Day 293: Wobble

Here’s to being just a little unstable.

I noticed that I was feeling a little down earlier today. Nothing major, but enough for me to note it. The cause? Well, there’s the usual suspects: first day back at work after a long(ish) weekend; staying up too late on a Sunday night; the nagging pain in my elbow; growing concern over growing debt; and so on.

But by this afternoon, my mood had turned. No, I wasn’t ecstatic–I still had debt and elbow pain, and I was still over-tired–but the feeling had gone.

It may sound stupid (or maybe just egotistical), but I sometimes have to remind myself that it’s perfectly fine to feel out of sorts now and then. I can end up feeling guilty for feeling bad. I mean: here I am, with much to be thankful for, in a job I enjoy and in a part of the country I love. If I feel bad under these circumstances, I must be clinically depressed or just plain ungrateful, right?

Or not.

So today, I’m reminding myself that it’s OK to feel not OK. In fact, it’s probably a healthy thing. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not making light of depression. I am fully aware of how devastating clinical depression can be. But what I am talking about is: being willing to acknowledge and accept the fundamental instability of our emotional lives.

Feelings come and go.

And thank goodness for that.

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3 Responses to Day 293: Wobble

  1. Anne Lene says:

    I think we are all allowed a little wobble time here and there. There is no way that we can be “on the top of the world” all the time, even the “happiest person in the world” (whoever that must be) have some “down” time now and then. So feel free to wobble (I know I do sometimes), and before you know it, you’ve bounced back to normal 🙂

  2. Julie Buhite says:

    Really great points. I can relate. I too have a tendency to feel guilty about my down times.

  3. Julie Buhite says:

    I mean, I have a tendency to feel guilty about feeling bad. I think that there’s this universal belief that because things on the outside look good — job, location, family, a certain degree of security — that that should automatically ensure that our feelings and emotions are doing just fine. Lately I’m recognizing that our feelings and emotions and thought processes/beliefs are a whole other world, distinct from what we project or surround ourselves with. It’s just that somehow we’ve been taught to lump it all together. To me it’s like thinking, “But I have such a pretty flower garden and look at the lovely leaves — so why am I so sad and weary?” Although the beauty of nature is a lovely thing, it’s not going to fix what needs adjusting and repairing inside of me. While I presently dedicate myself more and more to the matters of the inward, I still find myself drawn to looking for assurance and relief from the outside. I’ve heard that depression is a sign, like a message for us to take notice of what’s going on with our emotions, thoughts, decisions, beliefs and our lives. I like to see it that way and in my experience I find that that’s true. I usually experience depression when I push myself too hard and try to force new expectations, or when I don’t allow myself to feel insecure with a new change or to grieve a loss… I appreciate your bringing up such important thoughts with such candidness.

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