Day 105: Chip

Posted on April 15, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2310OK, I have made one previous minor attempt to chip away at my books. Today is another small step in that direction.

I suppose it should be no surprise, given my profession, that I would have the hardest time shedding books. But the reality is: I have plenty of books on my shelves that I will never reread, and that I can’t imagine any of the kids ever picking up to read. Nor would I say that most of the books–tattered paperbacks–have any collectible value. With a move pending, I have a bit more motivation to let go of some of these titles, but it’s still a difficult task.

The root problem: books are fetish items for me–no, not that kind of fetish, but their material presence, stacked on shelves or piled on the floor, serves as a talisman of a sort–charms that strengthen and maintain that illusion I have of myself (and isn’t that what  ego is?) as a well-read, educated, and cultured individual.

But it’s just more stuff, really.

IMG_2311So I continue to chip away at the books, using the same guideline as I did before: if I can’t fit them on the shelf, then they need to be donated to someone who has space and use for them. I tried to use that same standard of enduring value for holding onto the titles that I kept (or more accurately: if there was clearly no enduring value for a book, that was one I could toss).

In the end, I packed up two heavy-duty, two handled paper shopping bags with books and sent them down to the basement to await their eventual donation.

And yes, I did cheat–I couldn’t quite fit all the books that I wanted to keep onto these two sets of shelves, so a small handful–fewer than ten–joined the overflowing stacks of books on another set of shelves just to the left… and conveniently off camera.

Small steps….

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 11 Comments

Day 104: Count

Posted on April 14, 2014 by joshdaddy

Have you ever literally counted your blessings? That’s what I did tonight.

I’ve been haunted most of the day with thoughts of the tragedy that struck a family in our neighborhood. It’s been a painful counterpoint to the sense of contentment I have felt over the previous few days–that sense of being in the right place at the right time. When senseless tragedy hits, it reminds us how close we all are, at any moment, to confronting unexpected suffering and loss.

When I came home tonight, though, and saw my family, I thought again how grateful I am for each one of them. I thought about the house I have over my head. The job I have, and the job I will be starting soon. And the list went on. I really have so much to be grateful for.

And I get it. There are no guarantees. No one deserves tragedies, and no one deserves blessings. That’s what makes it all the more important to be grateful for the gifts and blessings we have in front of us right now–to recognize, acknowledge, and celebrate all the things that make this moment full of grace.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Day 103: Gather

Posted on April 14, 2014 by joshdaddy

It’s another short post for me tonight, in part because of the hour (we are just now getting back in the house after our long drive back to Atlanta), but also to acknowledge how inadequate my words are at this moment.

We learned of a major tragedy that struck a family we know in our home town. Our community is reeling. At the same time, our neighbors have pulled together in a way that is truly inspiring, raising nearly $24,000 in less that 24 hours.

We were out of town when we heard the news. All day I’ve wanted to gather my family into me, hug them and tell them how much I love them, and how I never want to take any of them for granted.

That’s what I’ve tried to make as my first priority today.

And it’s what my first priority should be every day.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Day 102: Acclimate

Posted on April 12, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2303I don’t think you really need to acclimate to 3,500 feet, but every time we head up to the mountains, it always takes me a couple of days to feel I am settling in. It’s usually around this time, on a Saturday night, that I think about sitting out on this porch, and how I’m only just now starting to relax, and regretting that we will be heading back home the next day.

Of course, this trip is a little different. We are heading back tomorrow, but in a few months, this same house will be the place we are calling home, for the next year or so–the house that my wife’s grandfather built for her father and mother as a wedding gift.

IMG_2302Still, there is going to be much acclimating over the next few months. Even the dog will have to adjust. He is normally pretty high strung–he gets anxious if everyone isn’t all together as one pack. Going out in public with him is almost always more struggle than it’s worth.

Yesterday and today, though, we brought him out climbing with us. He had a blast, and was calm around other people. Today, after a day at the crag, we brought him to the downtown area of our new home town. There was a festival going on, and the weather was perfect, so the place was teeming with tourists. My oldest son and I bought a plate of barbecue for lunch and sat on a stone wall to eat. Our dog Finn hunkered down beside us and just watched people walk by. He even IMG_2305accepted a few pets on the head.

I’m not naive enough to think that “everything will change” once we do finally settle up here in the mountains, but at the same time, I do feel something shifting in all of us.

And I am open to see where this path will lead us–each individually, and as a family.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Day 101: Balance

Posted on April 11, 2014 by joshdaddy

I’m not sure I would go as far as saying that I’m in the bardo right now, but as the days go on, I am certainly feeling more and more like I am between two worlds. Today, we visited the kids’ schools and picked up paperwork to get them enrolled for the fall. I switched out mailing addresses for two credit card bills. And we drove around peeking in windows of homes for sale. But I also answered a bunch of emails relating to work back in Georgia and  spent a chunk of time commenting on student work and posting grades online.

It’s going to be critical for me to maintain a balance–not just between where I’m at and where I’m going to be, but also amidst the dozen directions I’m sure I will feel myself being pulled. And that’s part of the reason why I am keeping tonight’s entry short. I was up late last night writing, and right now my family is waiting on me to start watching a movie. So a few words here now, some time with my family, and then off to bed.

All things in moderation, and in balance. Even these daily meditations!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Day 100: Align

Posted on April 11, 2014 by joshdaddy

simplifyI have to admit, I have never been a big fan of the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” But every once in a while, there are those moments when a number of events seem to align themselves just so.

We are up in the mountains, taking our first real, tangible steps toward building a new life up here. I’m a little early for an appointment, so I’m spending time walking around campus and taking in the sights.

It’s a beautiful day, and it looks like every student is outside taking in the sun instead of being in class. I see two slack lines, lots of Frisbees, even a couple of hammocks strung up between trees.

And as I’m walking along the brick path, I look down and see this. Talk about feeling like I’m in the right place at the right time.

Even though there’s so much new I’m facing, at this moment, in this space, I feel like I am already home.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

Day 99: Unscript

Posted on April 9, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, I know–it’s not really a verb, but I’m using it as a verb.

We are supposed to leave town today at about 3 pm. Yes, I know: it is now 3:48 pm as I’m writing this sentence….

Here’s how my going-out-of-town script usually reads:

  • I announce the night before that I will be home from work at 3 pm, at which point everyone will be ready to go, we will load up the car and head out on our way.
  • At around noon I will get a text saying things are running behind schedule, but everyone is doing the best they can.
  • At around 2:45 I leave work, realizing that I will be home by 3:30 the earliest.
  • At around 5 pm I will remind everyone that we should have left two hours ago.
  • At around 5:15 pm I will start pacing around, sighing loudly.
  • At 6 pm I will announce with just a twinge of irritation in my voice that if we leave now, we can get to our destination by midnight.
  • At 6:15 pm, I start wandering about muttering “This is ridiculous” to myself, but loud enough for others to hear.

And so on.

So. It’s 3:59 pm. I’m home from work. No one else is here–they are still out running last minute errands. There are dishes in the sink, and as far as I can tell, no one is packed.

And I am going to tear up my script and try something new.

No 15-minute time announcements. No heavy sighs. No ratcheting up of everyone’s stress level. I’m going to go at tonight entirely unscripted.

And let’s see what happens!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Day 98: Accelerate

Posted on April 8, 2014 by joshdaddy

I had a conversation with a realtor today, the second in two days. She is an old friend of ours–she actually sold us the house we are living in now. As we were discussing the possibility of putting our house on the market in the near future, she started to list out the things we would probably want to do before showing it. And then she added:

“And of course: you will want to get rid of a lot of the clutter.”

It was all I could do to keep from blurting out: What the heck do you think I’ve been doing for the past 98 days!

Whether I’m “ready” for it or not, life events are going to start to accelerate over the next three months. My options are: struggle against the change, or go with the flow.

I am absolutely exhilarated by the decision I have made and the process that is now underway. But that doesn’t mean change is easy. I am fully prepared (or at least I think I am fully prepared) for the roller-coaster of emotions that we will all go through between now and July. While I may not be able to have an impact of the pace of change, or even the emotions that go with it, I do have some control (although that is not really the right word, I realize) over how much stress I put myself through, and how much stress I, in turn, put my family through.

So things are in motion, and things are beginning to accelerate.

And all I really need to do is say “Yes” to the next right thing.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Day 97: Unearth

Posted on April 8, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2279Today’s entry was supposed to be more literal than figurative. I meant to turn the soil in the garden and prepare the earth for planting. But we have had major rains for the past 24 hours, so I will have to save that one for another day.

Instead, I chose another Monday night easy task–I threw open the doors on this treasure chest, which sits right in the middle of our ground-zero den, and what do you suppose I found?

IMG_2277A whole bunch of nothing squirreled away for no apparent reason, untouched for longer than I can remember.

I sent an entire box of old mail order catalogs down to the basement with the rest of the recycling. I filled a trash bag with infant toys, including at least one electronic gizmo that I know was never even used, and sent that down the basement as well to await the next charity pick-up. And the stray books that had somehow ended up buried down here I unearthed and returned to their appropriate bookshelves.

The only thing I held onto that perhaps I should have tossed was The Baby Book. But I figure if my mother can hold onto Dr. Spock, I can hold onto Dr. Sears.

IMG_2285What I did tonight I could do over and again throughout the house–and with a couple of hundred days ahead of me, I am sure I will be tackling other “buried treasures” as the days go on. Upstairs in the office, for example: I know I have an old folder containing scraps of writing from more than two decades ago, labeled “Rework or Throw Away.” I think it’s safe to say I can throw away whatever is in there. Then there are still the filing cabinets of “important” papers that need to be shred and tossed. And let’s not forget those “collectible” newspaper clippings and old magazine articles….

That’s all the easy stuff. What about the plastic crate of photos from when my oldest was just a few months old (back before I had a digital camera)? And what about the boxes of letters from old friends? How much of the kids’ school work and art work do I keep?

Once we get into this terrain, that’s when “enduring value” becomes a little trickier to sort out. For tonight, though, I’m sticking with the easy stuff. The only question now is: what do I do with this empty storage space?

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Day 96: Hike

Posted on April 6, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2270My students have been working on a locative media project–a mobile story of the Battle of Kennesaw Mountain that is activated on site, as you pass various landmarks. Originally we were supposed to meet as a class on Friday and walk the 6-mile loop up Little Kennesaw and back down Kennesaw, but the threat of rain made us cancel. This weekend, we planned on going on our own to see how well the project worked.

It didn’t.

At least not for me. I had the app running on my phone, a couple of things popped up on my map–but no content. I’m not sure if the project failed or if there was “user error” on my part, but I got nothing.

So instead, I just walked the 6-mile loop and enjoyed the day.

The twin peaks of Kennesaw and Little Kennesaw barely deserve the name “mountain”; though the trail does get steep toward the top, and there is a good bit of exposed rock. In the 22 years I have lived in the area, it was my first time I made the hike. Even though the project failed, I got to explore an area in my own backyard that I had never been to before.

And it’s always good to have an excuse to spend a couple of hours walking outdoors….

I’d like to say that the whole two hours was one extended session of walking meditation, but that would be a big exaggeration! No, I was happy to take a few moments now and then along the walk to really see the woods, and to really listen to the sounds around me. Then I was back to checking my phone to see if the project was working, or to see how much further I had to hike, or to see how long I had been on the trail….

And that’s just fine. I’ve come to recognize that the most important thing for me is to appreciate those moments of attentiveness when they occur–and not sweat too much their fleeting nature.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment