Day 216: Exist

OK, I wouldn’t call it a full-blown existential crisis, but today was kind of a counterpoint to yesterday’s subtle shift in perspective:

Day by day, I am building a new version of my everyday life.

And there is a lot of excitement in that process. So much new to discover. So many opportunities for exploration and adventure….

But then there’s the everydayness of it all as well.

It’s not uncommon, I know–as much as I might try to inoculate myself against goal-directed living, the truth is: so much of the last three months has been all about packing, and moving, and settling into our new life here in the mountains.

And now here we are….

My oldest boy expressed a very similar sentiment shortly after his national championship. So much of his time and energy and focus went into training for that one event, that once it passed he found himself wondering: now what?

“But I’m OK now, papa,” he reassured me, “It was just a passing thing.”

And that’s the secret, isn’t it. They are all just passing things.

So tonight I am feeling just a little bit of unease–hardly a full-blown case of nausea; more like a slight case of existential wooziness.

The challenge, I think, is not to avoid feeling what I am feeling, but rather to be present even in the discomfort, and to know that this too is part of a process of transforming our lives.

This too is part of saying “yes” to that new life.

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4 Responses to Day 216: Exist

  1. revdarkwater says:

    O. M. G. (And yeah, that’s a prayer.) Your eldest’s reassurance literally made me laugh out loud. It’s all a passing thing. How freeing!

  2. Lauren says:

    I recently met up with a friend of mine who graduated a year ago. He confessed that he had spent so much time and energy finding a job that, once settled in the job, he felt like he had no goals left in life. Since I’m about to go through the same thing, it kind of freaked me out a little – but I think it’s all what you make of it. Life is always moving forward, no matter what we think or experience.

    • Mark says:

      I know I’ve mentioned Emerson’s essay “Circles” before, but I think it should be required reading for every college senior–and the rest of us as we approach the conclusion of some big goal!

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