OK, I wouldn’t call it a full-blown existential crisis, but today was kind of a counterpoint to yesterday’s subtle shift in perspective:
Day by day, I am building a new version of my everyday life.
And there is a lot of excitement in that process. So much new to discover. So many opportunities for exploration and adventure….
But then there’s the everydayness of it all as well.
It’s not uncommon, I know–as much as I might try to inoculate myself against goal-directed living, the truth is: so much of the last three months has been all about packing, and moving, and settling into our new life here in the mountains.
And now here we are….
My oldest boy expressed a very similar sentiment shortly after his national championship. So much of his time and energy and focus went into training for that one event, that once it passed he found himself wondering: now what?
“But I’m OK now, papa,” he reassured me, “It was just a passing thing.”
And that’s the secret, isn’t it. They are all just passing things.
So tonight I am feeling just a little bit of unease–hardly a full-blown case of nausea; more like a slight case of existential wooziness.
The challenge, I think, is not to avoid feeling what I am feeling, but rather to be present even in the discomfort, and to know that this too is part of a process of transforming our lives.
This too is part of saying “yes” to that new life.