Day 335: Homestead

Posted on December 1, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_3103I’m not sure how far this idea will go… but there’s an abandoned house across the field from where we are living. It doesn’t belong to my mother-in-law, but it is the homestead of her grandparents, and my children’s great-great grandparents.

The property belongs to my wife’s great aunt. I think that’s a first cousin twice removed, if my Southern Math is correct.

When I got home from work today, I walked across the way with my daughter to have a look at the place. The house is in pretty rough shape. There are a couple of windows that are missing–the cardboard that once covered them now sagging open. The side porch is pretty much rotted out, and something has made its home under the step.

Yes, it is in rough shape. But it is, without question, the family homestead–the first home built up on this ridge, on what was all once family pasture.

Over Thanksgiving, the house came up in conversation, and my mother-in-law mentioned that many years back, her aunt, now in her 90’s, had said if she ever sold that house, she would sell it to her niece.

But that was many years ago. And no one is quite sure if my wife’s second cousin twice removed would ever really sell that house.

It may just be an idle fantasy, but I have to admit I am intrigued by the idea of reclaiming this abandoned family home.

But we’re not there yet. For the time being, we will be staying in our current, though temporary, home. But as winter turns to spring, we will have to start making plans to build, or to buy.

Or perhaps renovate and restore?

 

 

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Day 334: Land

Posted on November 30, 2014 by joshdaddy

As I’ve noted over the past couple of posts–I’ve been a little out of orbit over the past couple of days. But now we are back home, and I have that grateful feeling that we’ve finally landed.

On the drive back from my mother-in-law’s place, we made a pit stop at one of our favorite hole-in-the-wall South Indian restaurants in Decatur (when they first started serving food at this place, they literally had a hole in the wall from the front counter to the kitchen!) As we were digging into idli and dosa, my youngest commented that she hadn’t really been missing Atlanta until right then when we were sitting in our old, familiar restaurant doing an old, familiar thing.

Amen, sister. Or daughter, as the case may be. I couldn’t have put it any better myself. And in fact, I didn’t!

Of course the old haunts and old habits would stir up these feelings. But the thing is: there’s a lot of new familiar things that we are starting to gather around us in our new home. New habits, new haunts, new rituals. And that’s a wonderful thing.

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up in my own bed, paddle out to my own kitchen, and start a pot of coffee. I may be tired, but I know that I will be happy to be back home and back into our new old routine.

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Day 333: Turn Over

Posted on November 29, 2014 by joshdaddy

Today I met the family that will be moving into my old house. I stopped by to pack up and/or stow away our last remaining possessions, and then I turned over the house key.

It’s a very good feeling, no question, to have moved beyond moving and to have our home in the hands of another family, who can now start building their own memories there. But I have to admit that this trip to Atlanta has been a little more difficult for me that I thought it would be. Maybe it’s the head cold I feel coming on that’s making me feel a little bit down. Or maybe it’s something else–like the fact that I’m letting go of one of the tethers that has kept me connected to this area, and much as I love where we are now living, it still hurts a bit to let go.

Whatever it is, today was definitely a day of mixed emotions.

The head cold–that I know how to treat (and yes, I’ll be toddling off to bed soon enough). But that other feeling–it’s been a theme of sorts this year: letting go.

I think I know myself enough to say that it’s not the house that is stirring up these feelings; it’s the connection to this place that I’m feeling slip away, and the life we lived here as a family.

More specifically, I guess, I’m thinking about the friends we’ve left behind.

I’m sure I will stay in touch with many of those folks who were a part of my daily life here in Atlanta, but as I let go of this piece of property that tied me to the area, I also feel as if I’m letting go of something else. Maybe it’s just the loss of a convenient excuse to bring me back to Atlanta. Or maybe it’s the final acknowledgement that whenever I come back to Atlanta, it will always be as a visiting guest.

Hmm… I haven’t taken any cold remedies but I feel like what I’m writing is just a little too fuzzy headed for my tastes. So let me end with this:

I’ve let go and I’ve turned (it) over. Now let’s see what tomorrow brings!

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Day 332: Consume

Posted on November 28, 2014 by joshdaddy

I’d like to say that I participated in “Buy Nothing Day,” but that wasn’t the case.

I wanted to repair my mother-in-law’s toilet in her guest bathroom so that it would stop cycling every fifteen or so minutes, so I went out this morning to the hardware store to buy a replacement flapper.

And as a strange, little side-note to transnational capitalism: the arrival of a Kia plant not too far from my mother-in-law’s home town has resulted in an abundance of good, authentic Korean restaurants in an otherwise decidedly southern small town. So for lunch, as we often do when visiting, I took my middle child out for bibimbap.

And tonight, the kids decided it would be fun if everyone, grandmother included, went out to the movies. So we did.

See, here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m ever going to cut loose of consuming. It’s the mindless consumption that causes me concern–be that consumption of store-bought products, or food, or media, or whatever.

So today, for as much as possible, I tried to be mindful of what and why I was consuming. Yes, one can be mindful at the hardware store, even when buying toilet repair gear. It’s good practice–and hopefully one that I can tend to on more than one day a year!

 

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Day 331: Recreate

Posted on November 27, 2014 by joshdaddy

We had a lazy Thanksgiving–just the the five of us and my mother-in-law. We made casseroles and turkey and stuffing and so on. We took a moment before eating to honor my father-in-law. And we took turns sharing with each other something for which we were grateful.

This year’s holidays are part repetition and part something new. We had familiar dishes–the spinach and artichoke, the sweet potato with candied pecan topping–but of course, this Thanksgiving we were having to assemble something new, a way of gathering our family and expressing our gratitude for each other, even in the face of such a recent loss.

And of course, all families go through these moments of loss and continuance– or how else would family traditions carry on from one generation to the next?

I think I’ve said it before, but if not, it’s worth repeating today: I’m grateful that my children had the chance to know all four of their grandparents, and were old enough to have lifelong memories to pass on to their children.

And the rest of the day: recreating of a different sort, with both board games and video games, and a healthy dose of free-form running around outside.

Yes, I have much to be thankful for.

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Day 330: Dislocate

Posted on November 27, 2014 by joshdaddy

So I am back in Georgia for the holiday. We are staying about an hour south of Atlanta, with my mother-in-law, but most of today I spent back in Atlanta, taking care of a few details at the old house before the new occupants move in. It’s been a bit of an odd visit so far. I was in Atlanta just a few weeks ago for a conference, but on that occasion I saw quite a few friends. On this trip, those same friends are out of town–and even though I don’t see those friendly faces on a daily basis anymore, being back in town and not seeing them here made me miss them all the more. And last time I was here I noted that the house no longer felt like my old home, but that feeling of disconnect was all the more real with the knowledge that come Monday morning, someone else will be calling that place home.

But the biggest dislocation that we are all experiencing, of course, is the absence of my father-in-law. We will be celebrating our first Thanksgiving since he passed away, and it is going to be hard. Yes, we all still have much to be grateful for, but his absence will be palpable.

I am hoping we can take a moment around the table to remember him. One of the things I will be expressing gratitude for tomorrow is the fact that all three of my children got to know all four of their grandparents and are old enough to keep those stories and memories alive. And I can think of no better way to honor my father-in-law’s memory tomorrow than to take the time to share some of those memories as a family.

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Day 329: Cite

Posted on November 25, 2014 by joshdaddy

We are preparing to head out of town, and we have a long drive ahead of us. No, we are not on time, but it’s going to be OK. Yes, I get stressed when we are leaving later than I think we should. But I realize that the stress is optional.

I’ve been here before–so I think I will just take a page out of my own book on this one!

 

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Day 328: Vacation

Posted on November 24, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, so our long holiday break doesn’t start until tomorrow when everyone comes home from school, but mentally, I think I’m already there. Maybe it’s the post-home-selling decompression, but rather than buckling down to address whatever is the next thing to do, tonight I decided to do nothing at all.

Well, that’s partially true. We made candy cane sugar cookies tonight, so that was a little effort, what with the rolling out and braiding of dough. No, they are not exactly Thanksgiving-themed cookies, but they were made at the express request of my youngest child, who helped from start to finish.

 

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Day 327: Recall

Posted on November 24, 2014 by joshdaddy

I was looking through a catalog of remainder books this morning and ran across a title I had not seen before: How to Sit by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Seeing that title got me to recall how important just sitting has been over the past year–and how I have fallen out of the practice of starting the day with fifteen minutes of quiet, mindful sitting.

And that title also got me to recall that I had Thich Nhat Hanh’s Your True Home as an e-reader text on my phone, and how on many days these short reflections on mindfulness and being present had served to refocus my day.

And all of these thoughts also got me to recall that at this very moment, Thich Nhat Hanh is recovering from a major stroke, and that his sangha, Plum Village, has asked for his community to lend support through compassionate, mindful practice.

Whether or not you believe in living saints or bodhisattvas, I have always felt that Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the most Enlightened people on this earth of ours at present. He has certainly lent wisdom, and peace, and compassion to my daily life. I was happy to spend some time today, if only for a few moments, in compassionate breathing for the man that thousands of practicing Buddhists affectionately call Thay.

Daily practice of anything is always a challenge, for me at least, which is why I have tried to keep to simple things. Today was a day of recalling. And today was a day, as well, of recommitting to simple practices of sitting, breathing, and being present.

 

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Day 326: Glide

Posted on November 23, 2014 by joshdaddy

My wife and I had a couple of hours on our own tonight. We left the boys at home playing video games, then dropped off our daughter at a Girls Scout event at a local roller skating rink. Then the two of us had a rare night out, eating dinner on our own.

We try to make  time for “date night” outings, but it’s too easy to get caught up in the flow of everyday family life and forget to take time for each other. So tonight we did that, if only for two hours.

Those two hours had been quite eventful for our daughter, it turns out. She had gone from tentative walking-on-wheels around the rink to a rather confident and effective glide. We were both impressed–and happy we had skipped dessert and come back early enough to see her in action.

We watched her make her way around a few laps, all smiles and surrounded by friends, and enjoyed her comfort and ease.

What a perfect way to end the evening.

 

 

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