Day 205: Sail

Posted on July 25, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2699I bought my daughter a kite today on the ride back home from work.

Yes, it was a frivolous thing to buy, and I’m perfectly fine with that. As far as I can recall, in all of my purging over the past six months, I can’t recall seeing a single kite. And with an eight-year-old in the house–and all of that wind up on the ridge–it seemed like a perfectly reasonable purchase.

After dinner, all five of us (and the dog, of course) walked across the road to the field down by the barn. It took us a bit to get the kite off the ground, but after a few crash landings, we had that thing in the sky. We had a blast. Her great-aunt and great-uncle walked down from their house to join us when they saw us out in the field. We spent the rest of the evening talking, laughing, letting out string, and then taking it back in.

Of course, when I first told her I had a surprise for her, and then showed her the kite, her response was: “So this is the surprise?” But now, with that kite soaring, she couldn’t have been happier.

I suppose flying a kite shares something in common with trimming a sail, so there are probably a few lessons to be learned here, I’m sure. But for tonight, I’m just going to let that kite speak for itself.

 

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Day 204: Knit

Posted on July 23, 2014 by joshdaddy

We have another movie that’s about to start, so I want to keep this post short.

This afternoon, some friends from Atlanta stopped by to visit. They were staying at a lodge about an hour and a half up the Parkway. My oldest and I met them at the trail head to a bouldering field just outside our town. The rock was pretty wet, but we still had a good time hiking in and messing around on the stone.

Afterwards, we drove up the ridge, and I showed them our home and our new “neighborhood.”

Then we met up with my wife and my other two children at a restaurant overlooking the valley.

And yes, we ended the night with another trip to the ice cream shop.

I was very aware tonight that even though we have moved away from what had been our home town of some twenty years, our new life here is still very much knit with the lives of friends back in Georgia.

Of course, that doesn’t have to be the case.

All it takes, though, is the effort to sustain those relationships. And it need not be something complicated or difficult. All it takes, really, is the intention–and the action of following through.

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Day 203: Treat

Posted on July 22, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2694We got ice cream tonight.

Big deal, right? I mean–I can’t even tell you how many times we’ve driven down off the ridge and into town to get some ice cream at our local shop. I’ve joked with the kids that once we moved up here, neither waistline nor wallet would tolerate daily ice cream runs, but something tells me we’ll keep up a steady pace for the next few days at least.

Tonight, we all needed a treat. Or more accurately, I suppose: after a couple of days of settling in, I’ve begun to remember that just being up here is a treat.

Before we drove into town, we made a short pit stop to visit our neighbors, the cattle. My middle child has a thing for cows. In fact, he actually lobbied for us to get a cow once we moved up here. When I asked him why he wanted a cow, he responded:

One: Best pet ever
Two: All the milk you’ll ever need
Three: All the cheese you’ll ever need

And so on. I was not convinced, though I was very amused.

At the ice cream shop, my kids got their usual: Blue Moon. I helped myself to a scoop of coffee ice cream with chocolate chips. Then we walked across the way to the park and sat near the gazebo that the IMG_2696kids’ great-grandfather built. And after that, the two of them went off to the swings, and I watched them play.

Yes, the whole evening was a treat. But of course, it was only a treat because I treated it that way.

Earlier in the evening, while I was making dinner and setting up the new modem (so much for monotasking), I was fussing at the kids for doing the exact same thing: being kids. So what was different about after dinner? Just my attitude.

It’s not as though I expect to be able to live my life in a state of suspended bliss, but with practice, I am hoping to be able to capture more moments like tonight.

And the truth is: those moments are happening all the time. For example: should I be writing this blog entry right now, or sitting with my kids watching a movie?

Time to click the Publish button!

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Day 202: Shrink

Posted on July 21, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, I’ve known for a while that the house we were moving into was going to be considerably smaller than the house we have been used to. But as I am looking at all the the boxes and bags that are now piled up on the floor (the fruits of all of our de-cluttering and downsizing), it’s pretty obvious that we have a long way to go.

I’ve been unpacking the kitchen boxes tonight–all of it “essential”–but now I find myself thinking: Do I really need six wooden spoons? And why do I still own so many plastic storage containers? And what’s with the mismatched pot lids that I never use, but still consider important enough to pack them in a box and lug them 300 miles in a packed-to-the-gills van?

Unfortunately, the list goes on.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not discouraged, and it’s not as though I don’t see progress. If anything, I am grateful to find myself within this fixed parameter of a small mountain home to help me see just how much excess we still have.

If it doesn’t fit, it’s too much.

There’s not a lot I am doing tonight to shrink our holdings, but I am starting to recalibrate just what it means to minimize–and gaining a new perspective on what “just enough” might look like for our family.

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Day 201: Unload

Posted on July 21, 2014 by joshdaddy

Can I collapse again, please?

Seriously–lately it has been a challenge to “keep it simple,” and a bigger challenge to keep from feeling overwhelmed.

Today, I returned to our home in Atlanta with my two younger kids. Our goal was to “complete” the packing of the house–everything in the pods that goes in the pods, and everything else in boxes to move with us up to the mountains.

Not so much.

I did manage to load and lock the pods–tomorrow morning, they will transport off to storage for the next year. And I did get the van as loaded as it could be with all sorts of boxes and bags.

But there’s still more stuff.

And the basement, while much improved, still needs a solid half-day’s effort before the house is ready for realtors.

So here I am, back in the mountains… and guess who is going back to Atlanta next weekend?

OK, OK… you get the idea. Much as I know that this move to the mountains will provide all sorts of opportunities to simplify our lives and slow down our pace, right now I still feel like I’m moving at breakneck speed in multiple directions–and getting nowhere.

So when I started to unload boxes and bags out of the car tonight, I noted to myself: time to unload some of the emotional luggage as well.

It’s been a high stress period no doubt–between my father-in-law’s passing and this family move, there’s a lot of change going on.

But there’s no need to carry that stress any longer than necessary, right?

And how long is “necessary” anyway?

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Day 200: Commend

Posted on July 19, 2014 by joshdaddy

My father-in-law loved fishing.

Today, after the funeral service, we all went back to my brother-in-law’s house. There were lots of relatives and friends gathered there–and lots of food. We talked, reminisced, and laughed.

We were gathered there to honor a good man, but we were also gathered to show our care and concern for the bonds of family and friendship that my father-in-law had helped nurture and support. We were now entrusting those same relationships to each other to carry forward.

As the day wore on and folks started to trickle out, my oldest boy and I went down to the small pond that sits at the edge of my brother-in-law’s property. My oldest boy caught his first bass at this pond, with his grandfather’s help.

He fished for about an hour, maybe less, and caught four decent sized bass. This pond doesn’t get fished too often, so the fish are pretty naive when it comes to rubber worms. We only had one rod between the two of us, so mostly he did the fishing, and I just watched (that and took the hook out of the fish–it’s still not my son’s strongest suit).

We really didn’t talk too much about his grandfather while we were out there. But at one point, I did comment that I thought his grandfather would have been pleased to know that his grandson was spending this day fishing, as a way of honoring his memory.

My son nodded, and then cast out his line one more time.

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Day 199: Collapse

Posted on July 18, 2014 by joshdaddy

I am bone tired. I am sitting on the porch of my brother-in-law’s house. They have opened up their home to our family for the next couple of days. There is probably wifi available, but for now I’m tapping out this entry on my phone with my thumbs.

Have I mentioned I am bone tired?

It’s been a long day with lots of physical and emotional heavy lifting. I closed my eyes a moment ago and felt myself drifting off to sleep.

So I think that’s the best thing for me to do right now. Tomorrow will be a long day.

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Day 198: Imperfect

Posted on July 18, 2014 by joshdaddy

Yes, I know it’s a perfectly good adverb–and if we were talking about grammar, we could call it a noun–but in keeping with the past 197 days, we are going to abuse “imperfect” into service as a verb….

As in: now is not the time for perfecting my practice of living simply (or anything else, for that matter).

I suppose I could have gone with “compromise” or “allow,” if they weren’t already claimed….

The house is close to being an empty shell. There are just a couple of pieces of furniture left to load into the pod (actually, it’s five, but who’s counting). The upstairs hallway is lined with boxes that are ready to move up to the new house, and we are still scheduled to have the pods drive off on Sunday.

And that’s where the imperfecting comes in.

I’ve hauled piles of cardboard away and searched out polystyrene recycling sites on a number of occasions over the past few months, but today, the trash collectors picked up all sorts of potentially recyclable and/or donation-worthy items and hauled them off to a landfill somewhere.

And I’ve shed t-shirts and suits by the bagful, and purged all sorts of “archival” items of doubtful interest–but now, I’m dumping stuff into boxes knowing that once they arrive at our new home in the mountains, we will need to filter through piles of paper and mountains of old shoes… or we will be right back into the clutter.

And perhaps this moment was inevitable, regardless of the circumstances, but certainly with a funeral in just a couple of days and my wife off with her mother, there really was little other choice I had.

The choice I do have, though is this: whether or not I should feel guilty for these last minute “lapses.” And I choose not to feel guilty… for today, at least.

So today I’m letting go of something I’ve often held onto too tightly: that desire for perfection, and that sense of disappointment when I inevitably fail to miss that mark.

I think it’s safe to say I can do without those feelings, if only for today.

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Day 197: Identify

Posted on July 17, 2014 by joshdaddy

Remember my patient friend from the pod company?

She came to visit me today. We are down to the last pod, and it just didn’t close properly. The latches wouldn’t hold, and without monumental effort, the lock hasp wouldn’t align with its loop. So I gave my pod delivery woman a call–and she was more than happy to come out and swap the pod for a better constructed replacement.

But that’s not why I’m telling you this story.

When she got here, we chatted about the move and a few other things. Then I told her about my father-in-law passing away. She, in turn, told me about a friend of hers–healthy and only 42 years old–who died suddenly just a week or two ago.

I told her that just last night I had been thinking about how a death–be it sudden or after long suffering–forces me to acknowledge the fact that any day could well be my last, and to try to live with that truth in mind.

She nodded her head vigorously:

Oh yes, that is so true! Every morning that I wake up, I say “Thank you for this day!” I always think about what my mother would tell me: no one knows the hour or the day of their passing. So I want to appreciate each day that I have.

What a wonderful conversation we had, standing there on the street today!

My son teases me sometimes–why is it that I have to talk to every cashier and every retail or service worker I encounter? I don’t think he really minds, but it does amuse him. And of course, my only response is: why wouldn’t I?

Today, I felt like I connected with someone I have only met face to face twice, and with whom I have only spoken on the phone a handful of times. But in our brief exchange, I felt I had run into someone who was on the same path I am trying to tread. Brief exchanges like the one I had today are like getting the high sign, or a not-so-secret handshake from a fellow traveler.

There’s some line of Whitman jangling around in my head that touches on the same idea, but I can’t quite get it right at this hour….

But I bet you already get the picture, fellow traveler!

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Day 196: Mark

Posted on July 16, 2014 by joshdaddy

My father-in-law passed away today.

Today was also my birthday.

I’m not sure really what to say about the coinciding of these two events, other than to note that for my wife (and for me as well), July 15th will now mark both the day of my birth and the day of her father’s death.

It may be tempting to find irony in these coinciding events, but quite the contrary. For me, it is another forceful reminder that our lives are always lived on the knife’s edge of possibility, and one of those possibilities is always that our lives will end–perhaps even at this very moment.

 

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