Day 185: Interdepend

Posted on July 5, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, OK–I’ve probably already used up my yearly allotment of bad puns and made-up words, but I couldn’t help myself today.

Just a short post to note that on a day celebrating “independence,” it’s worth taking a moment to acknowledge the importance of interdependence.

It’s a seductive fantasy to think of my life and my actions as “entirely my own.” But of course, that’s hardly the case. I am a tangle of influences and experiences–and each time I act in the world or interact with others, I am gaining new influences and influencing others.

I can see it sometimes in the little interactions–like this morning at a restaurant, where the waitress commented on how much our kids have grown. And I see it in the big things as well–like the fact that we have brought three children into the world, and in doing so, transformed ourselves entirely.

Maybe I’m thinking about all of this interdependence and interconnection because I’m so close to leaving Atlanta and leaving behind so many friends and acquaintances. It’s important to remember and acknowledge the impact those people have had on me–helping shape me, in small or large ways, into who I am today. It’s a fine line, I suppose: finding a way to honor that interdependence without grasping at it too tightly….

Uh oh. I’m sure I’m on the verge of writing something overly sentimental. Maybe I better stop right here and just say:

Thanks.

 

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Day 184: Prep

Posted on July 3, 2014 by joshdaddy

There’s a lot of prepping going on around here, that’s for sure–ten days away from my departure and 17 days for the rest of the family. Sure, there’s the boxes that still need to be packed. And yes, the final pods have arrived, and we have started to load the rest of the furniture. But that’s not the prepping I’m talking about tonight.

Then there’s the emotional prepping. It’s hard to deny the reality of our departure at this point, and it’s getting hard not to be sad knowing that I won’t be seeing on a regular basis the people who have been a big part of my daily and weekly routines.

But I’m not going there tonight either. It’s still a little too soon, even though it’s only ten days away.

No, the “prep” I had in mind was far simpler. Tomorrow morning, at some ridiculously early hour, my wife will be getting up, getting in the shower, and heading into downtown Atlanta to run a road race with 60,000 other people.

I’ll be meeting her later in the morning, at the finish line, with all three kids.

I know that morning is not really her best time of day. So: remember that really fancy coffee maker we ended up getting a couple of months ago? Well, it has a timer that we pretty much never use. Tonight, though, I prepped the coffee maker and set the timer for 5am, so that when my wife comes downstairs after her shower, the coffee will be waiting for her.

Not a big deal, I know, but it will be a big help–and it will be appreciated.

So how does this little action simplify my life?

I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that question.

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Day 183: Retrace

Posted on July 3, 2014 by joshdaddy

So here we are at the half-way mark of this 365 day blog.

I’ve been in a reflective mood for the past couple of days, thinking about what ground I’ve covered over the past six months, but today I made it my focus for the day, taking time to retrace my steps through this blog by reading each entry in order. I didn’t manage to cover all 182 previous entries in one day, but I did cover the first 100. I will probably pick up where I left off tomorrow.

It may seem somewhat self-indulgent to say it, but I have to admit I really enjoyed rereading what I wrote, day after day, for those first 100 days. I could see myself on a journey, with plenty of detours and ups and downs along the way.

I’m not sure I can really capture everything I gleamed in rereading those first 100 entries–other than to note that some of the most meaningful “tools” for me along the way have been (surprise!) the simplest: remembering to stop, look, and listen, for example.

It’s also reminded me that even though lately I have been all wrapped up in some big and very visible actions intended to simplify our lives (mostly on the order of massive purges of household goods), I can’t let slide those little acts of discipline that were so important early on in this journey. For example: I still try to have some quiet in the morning, but it has been more haphazard and irregular lately–and decidedly less deliberate.

One of the last posts I read tonight had to do with what happens when we say “yes” to a process of change. I have focused a lot on one particular “yes,” which has led us to our move up to the mountains in just a couple of weeks–but really, this entire year has been about saying “yes” to living more simply and deliberately.

And that path continues to unfold in front of me in joyfully unexpected ways.

 

 

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Day 182: Recover

Posted on July 1, 2014 by joshdaddy

So… it looks like I might have thrown away a somewhat important piece of paper that I need. And I couldn’t help it–after digging around the house and not finding it anywhere, that little, clutter-loving voice in my head piped up and said:

You see? What did I tell ya? That’s what happens when you go purging papers all willy nilly!

Now I’m not 100% positive that I tossed this particular document (a proof of insurance card, if you must know), and even if I did throw it away, it’s just as likely that I did so through some run-of-the-mill error, rather than as a result of a life-simplifying paper purge (I found two copies of one vehicle’s insurance card, but no card for the other).

But here’s the thing–the paper isn’t really that important. I am sure I can get a replacement card easily enough. But I’m over-tired today, and little things can start to add up pretty easily. And then I start heading down a path that’s hard to get off.

It probably started earlier today, when I got on the phone with the DMV to talk about what I needed to do to get a North Carolina license and transfer our vehicle registration. There were a few more steps involved than I thought, and since my registration expires in Georgia in just a couple of weeks, it looks like I am going to have to renew in Georgia (and pay Georgia taxes), and then register in North Carolina in August (and pay taxes once again).

Then it was off to the bank and the safe deposit box, where I encountered another hiccup: I found the car titles, which was good, but no copy of my wife’s birth certificate (just her expired passport). Now I know I wouldn’t have thrown away that document, but where it might be is anyone’s guess. So it looks like we might have another bureaucratic hurdle to overcome before we can get both of our driver’s licenses in order.

Discovering that I was missing an insurance card as well as the birth certificate was just the final little nudge to send me into a minor spin.

In truth, I’ve been much better this year than in the past, but historically, I have a tendency to head off to worse case scenarios pretty quickly. For instance: most of my financial worries, no matter how small, usually end with an image of me and my family living in a cardboard box. Talk about living simply, right?

But I’m getting better.

So tonight, when I felt myself starting to spiral downward, I tried to take action to help me recover.

And the first thing I did was start to write this entry.

And it helped.

The other thing that I did was to remember that I really only had to live the day in front of me, and deal with what this day has to offer.

So no, it looks like I don’t have that second insurance card. But I can call and get one tomorrow–so that’s one thing off my plate for today. The same thing with the birth certificate: a bit more of a hassle to replace, sure, but not an insurmountable challenge, should it come to that.

And yes, dealing with the DMV, transferring titles and registration, etc–all of that will be a hassle. But it is not today’s hassle.

Now I’m at the end of this entry, and waddaya know: I pulled out of a downward spiral and recovered pretty easily. And bonus points for completing this entry well before midnight: now I can get to bed a little earlier tonight–and recover some sleep!

 

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Day 181: Liberate

Posted on June 30, 2014 by joshdaddy

Tonight I was in the middle of writing a rather self-reflective blog entry when suddenly, I was called to action: something big was rustling about in the trashcan outside.

My wife brought me around to the side of the house to investigate. And there we found the culprit, poking his nose just over the rim of the trashcan: a baby possum.

There’s nothing “cute” about a possum, least not in my book. But I will make an exception for this little guy. He couldn’t have been much more than a foot long from nose to tale, and he still had a fluffy juvenile coat.

I think my wife and I shared the same first (and bad) instinct: Ooh, let’s pick him up! Don’t worry, we didn’t. I have to say, though: he did seem pretty docile and not at all intimidated by two big, scary humans staring at him and shining lights in his eyes. For a wild animal, he seemed rather well adapted to city life.

I found a stick and gently scooped under his belly, lifting him just enough to allow him to crawl out of the trashcan and scurry away.

I have no idea what this little encounter with “urban wildlife” has to do with living simply and deliberately. I will leave it to you to work out if it is symbol of or allegory for some higher law.

No, unlike Thoreau and his woodchuck, I was not “strongly tempted to seize and devour him raw“; I do regret, though, that in all of the excitement, I didn’t think to snap a picture, even though I was already pointing my phone at him as a flashlight!

 

 

 

 

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Day 180: Inventory

Posted on June 30, 2014 by joshdaddy

We just rolled back into town after taking a day trip down to see my in-laws. It’s another late night entry, and I’m tired…. so tonight’s posting will have to be brief.

I’m coming up on the half-way mark on this year, believe it or not. That means it’s probably a good idea to take a moment to review the past six months to see where I’ve been, and where I am going. Not tonight, mind you: that’s way too big a job for this hour.

But as prelude to that review, I started to think about end of year inventory-taking–maybe because I work for a state agency with a fiscal year that ends tomorrow. So I thought it might be good to at least begin thinking about my own inventory: what is it I am still holding onto? And is it an asset or a liability?

I’m sure I can’t answer that question tonight either, at least not completely. It was in my mind–in some form at least–several times throughout the day. And for this reason:

I kept noticing that, regardless of my intentions, I kept letting myself become irritated and impatient over what were really insignificant things.  What was that all about?

I’m sure I could come up with at least a half dozen plausible excuses for my behavior, but regardless of the rationalization, I can’t think of a single good reason why I would want to sour up the moment.

So no answers tonight, but definitely an item to add to the “liability” column. Yes, it is time to shed some unnecessary inventory….

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Day 179: Hesitate

Posted on June 28, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2612OK, “hesitating” doesn’t really sound too much like living deliberately, but hear me out on this one.

I was up super-early this morning to get my son to his training camp. Then back home, to pay some bills and to wait for the truck to arrive to haul away our first pod.

While I was waiting, I packed another couple of boxes of things that won’t be going into storage, but will be coming with us to the house we will be living in for the next year. Then I went to the gym to climb. Then I came home, and I cleaned out and refilled our small, backyard pond. Then I made dinner. And so on.

So I did alot today, but when I started to think about what I had been focusing on today, and what I would be writing about tonight… I was coming up blank.

That’s when I remembered the big tub of photographs.

It must be something like three cubic feet, and it is jam-packed with photographs from that era of parenting that pre-dates our purchase of a digital camera. And since our first child was born during that period (obviously), that means that this tub contains stacks upon stacks of nearly identical photographs of a sleeping infant.

My plan: take about an hour to clear out the vast majority of these photographs, keeping only the truly memorable or truly beautiful.

Easier said than done.

I started pulling out individual photographs and wandering over to my wife with them. First one or two, but soon I had a dozen or so photographs laid out on the table… and I had only just skimmed the surface of that box.

So it looks like tonight is not the night to tackle the photo tub. And that’s OK.

I’m sure we will get to it soon. And I’m sure we will be holding onto quite a few keepers.

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Day 178: Seal

Posted on June 28, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2604Whoa, that’s a ton of stuff!

I mean, literally. That box is supposed to hold 2000 lbs, and I’m guessing that’s probably a pretty good estimate of how much stuff is packed away in there. It took several weeks of intermittent work–and lots of jigsaw puzzle figuring–in order to get that thing packed. And now it’s done, and all sealed up. Tomorrow morning it gets hauled away, and it will remain in storage for the better part of a year.

And in a few more days, the rest of the pods arrive, and we start all over again. Which leads me to make a few observations:

First: Even though I’ve packed away a ton of stuff, I walk around our house and, well, there’s still a lot of stuff around here!

Second: If I could put all of the clothing and papers and books and furniture that we have discarded, donated, or sold over the past six months into a pod, would it equal this one box?

Third: I’ve heard from more than one friend that the most amazing thing about putting stuff into deep storage is–you really don’t miss it.

Which leads me to my final observation: Why does it take packing a ton of stuff into a box and storing it for a year in order to realize that maybe, just maybe, I really don’t need a ton of stuff in my life?

Or three tons, as the case may be.

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Day 177: Overlook

Posted on June 26, 2014 by joshdaddy

And I mean that word quite literally, as in: actively not looking at something. In this case–that box of notebooks and papers I just pulled out of the attic.

OK, I did peek–very quickly, though. The box contained essays I had written and notebooks I had filled as an undergraduate, along with a few scattered papers from a graduate program I was in back in the late 1980s. Perhaps it would have made for an interesting couple of hours to read through those essays dating back to my late teens and early twenties….

Then again: it was a lot easier just to chuck everything into recycling.

Well, almost everything. I found a 1980 copy of Pravda (I studied Russian in high school) that I figured I would hold onto until morning to show the kids. And there were a few things that I recognized as my wife’s purview, which I set aside for her. Oh: and two old photo albums. And maybe one or two other things too. But that’s it.

Sounds like I’m hedging on this whole “overlook” thing, I know (“Just this ashtray. And this paddle game…that’s all I need.”) But trust me: tonight was a major improvement.

In fact, I can remember when I loaded this old box of notebooks into the attic not too long ago, after clearing out some dusty milk crates that were tucked down underneath my work desk. At the time, it seemed entirely appropriate to hold onto these “early writings” for some version of posterity. Now, it’s just more paper that I’m holding onto for no real reason.

So off it went–to be recycled into blank pages for someone else to fill.

I pulled a few more boxes of stuff out of the attic tonight as well–and it was the same story: baby clothes that, a few years back, seemed too precious to discard are now in a pile by the top of the stairs, destined to head out the door and off to charity tomorrow morning. Yes, I picked up one or two tiny shirts so that my wife and I could coo in unison–but that was the extent of our review. No sorting of outfits into complex, multiple piles. No long reminiscing over baby hats and tiny overalls.

A few years ago it would have felt like I was devaluing the past if I were to discard these things without much more than a second thought.

Today, it was clear to me that these material artifacts and the moments that they stand in for are two very different things.

I can discard the one, while still honoring the other.

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Day 176: Lighten

Posted on June 26, 2014 by joshdaddy

Something sort of strange happened today.

I walked into an administrator’s office this afternoon to handle some business or another. He was not in, but I talked to his assistant for a little while. After a few moments, she interrupted me and said:

Mark, you look so light. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at work this way before. You just seem so… happy. It’s too bad that you had to leave for me to see you this way.

I smiled, and told her that I was very happy, and then we continued on with our business.

Her comment caught me off guard, though: sure–I’m aware that this move and this change of job has lightened my mood, but I hadn’t realized that up until recently I have been carrying myself at work with such… such what? Seriousness? Dourness? Unfriendliness?

It’s true–I don’t socialize much with colleagues at work, other than an occasional lunch. Since I do have a supervisory role, though, I think that’s probably just fine. But I had not been aware that I might be perceived at work as–well, the opposite of light: heavy, dark.

Not exactly what I’m after.

So I reflected on that the rest of the day: to what extent am I aware of the image I am presenting to others–at work as well as at home? While I am not responsible for how others perceive me, I believe I am responsible for being mindful of my actions and their consequences–and words, tone of voice, and body language are all forms of actions for which I am accountable.

Being mindful and deliberate of how I present myself to the world sounds so–serious. To put it more simply: what I really need to do is just lighten up.

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