Day 35: Engage

Posted on February 4, 2014 by joshdaddy

Over the weekend, I heard an older man sharing with a group of people two pieces of good news. The first was that his daughter had recently published a book on the need for civility in our society. He spoke at length about her inspiration for the book and shared some details about an upcoming book signing event that she would be holding in town. He was obviously quite proud of her accomplishment. Then, as though the second piece of good news had almost slipped his mind, he added:

“Oh. And I’m going to turn 97 years old this week.”

I was floored by his sharpness of mind and his obvious good spirits at such an advanced age–especially in comparison, since my own father-in-law, almost twenty years younger, is struggling so much in his recovery from a devastating stroke back in November.

When I had the chance, I came up to the man and shook his hand, wishing him a happy birthday. And I was floored again.

The entire time we spoke, he held my hand–and more impressively, he held my gaze. The look in his eyes as I spoke to him, and the look on his face as a whole, conveyed such a complete sense of attention to my every word, as though I were offering him the most wonderful of birthday gifts just in speaking with him for a few moments.

He was fully engaged in every word I said.

Thinking back on that experience today, and thinking about what it means to live deliberately, I decided to focus on how I interact with people throughout the day–making a conscious effort to hold eye contact, to listen attentively, and to respond with interest and concern to the person in front of me.

And to do just that and nothing else–too often I am guilty of “multitasking” while someone is talking to me, be that in my office or in my kitchen. For today, I would practice focused, engaged conversation.

What was interesting about this experiment was what a noticeable difference it made in the very first conversation I had at work. I ran into a colleague in the break room as we were both filling coffee pots with water. We exchanged a few passing words, which is certainly not unusual for the two of us, but what was different is that within moments, he was telling me about his plans to retire, perhaps at the end of this year. I learned far more about about this man in five minutes this morning than I have learned about him in seven years working in the same building on the same floor.

Not all of my interactions throughout the day were that noteworthy–and to be honest, I found myself several times drifting back into my old habit of half-listening. But each time I brought myself back to a more engaged interaction, I could feel a shift–nothing radical, but something would shift in what I was hearing, what I was feeling, and unless I am completely mistaken, how others were interacting with me.

It’s close to dinner time, and I have  a pot of soup on the stove. In an hour or so, I will be sitting around the table with my family, sharing a meal. Let’s see how the conversation goes–and how good the food tastes–with a little engaged, deliberate listening.

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Day 34: Excavate

Posted on February 3, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1890Today it’s another small step–and one that I have tackled before–the overflowing cabinet of storage containers… and the deep-reach cave of kitchen cooking weirdness.

I am always spilling out plastic storage containers onto the floor every time I go digging for the “right” one. The truth is: I just have way too many plastic tubs. How do I know? Because I’ve tried getting rid of bunches in the past, but I still seem to have stacks upon stacks.

When I look at this picture, and think about how this cabinet looks on most days, I’d have to say that it doesn’t look that bad. What you can’t tell, though, by looking at this picture is that I doubt I could take out even a single container without triggering a major avalanche of “convenient” plastic tubs all over the floor.

So I tossed another big stack tonight; they are now sitting in a bag in the basement, waiting for recycling day. All in all, I tossed 21 containers and 17 lids. I’m sure I could have cut down even more…since the fridge is packed with filled containers already. But that will have to be good enough for tonight.

IMG_1899There’s some lesson in all of this, I’m sure–something about my archival impulse, or my misplaced sense of frugality, or economy…. or something like that.

But it’s a little too late on a Monday night to draw out all of the implications of my regenerating mountain of storage containers and the difficulty I seem to have in tossing them in the recycling bin instead of storing them for future use. For now, I am happy with having taken this simple action, and along with it, making a simple commitment to keep my stockpile to a minimum.

And that deep-reach cave of kitchen cooking weirdness? The layout of this particular kitchen cabinet creates a space that is just about unusable–you need to be on your hands and knees with your head  jammed in the cabinet just to reach anything (and without a flashlight, you are basically digging around in the dark). As a result, this “cave” has become the resting IMG_1897ground for all sorts of bizarre, underused kitchen items. Some of these I chucked, the rest I stored on the shelves leading into the basement. The few things I left in this space are now easy to reach items that have been in use within the last month or two (a meatloaf pan and some muffin tins, to be precise).

And speaking of excavating–those stairs down to the basement, and the basement itself, are an entirely other matter; clearing those spaces is going to be a major excavation!

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Day 33: Cut

Posted on February 2, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1881…the lights.

OK, I suppose today is sort of an electricity fast, within limits: my goal is to avoid turning on a light unless I find it absolutely necessary, and when I find a light that it is on, turn it off.

I was sitting in my bedroom the other day reading in the early evening. I had my door closed, and by the time I had left the bedroom, it had started to get dark. No one else had been upstairs, and all of the lights were off. I could find my way down the hall and down the stairs without any problem (there are large, west-facing windows upstairs), but I noted to myself how unusual it was do so something so ordinary–namely walk down a hall lit only by the evening light coming in the window. Usually there are lights blazing everywhere in our house, often quite literally in every room. In contrast, I found it quite pleasant–peaceful, really–to have just the ambient light from outside illuminating the hallway as I made my way back downstairs.

So today, I am trying to keep the lights off whenever I can. More accurately, as with the fasting experiment, I am trying to become more aware of when I am turning on a light, and why.

And just like with fasting, as the day wore on I caught myself more than once in the process of flicking on a light switch without even noticing it….

It’s not really conservation I’m after today–after all, I’m burning plenty of kilowatts right this minute as I tap at my keyboard and stare at my computer screen. Rather: I’m trying to nurture a growing awareness of how and when I’m consuming electricity (or more simply, electric light)–and to consume energy in a way driven more by necessity or intention, rather than unconscious habit.

And I discovered an additional benefit to this experiment as well–I became aware of just how much natural light comes into my house every day, pretty much in every room (even our basement). I found my eyes turning toward windows as I moved through the house, and I discovered myself consciously seeking out those places where I could read or type, or just simply sit in the light of the day.

A simple act, no doubt, and one that obviously became more challenging as the day wore on. So no, I’m not writing this blog by candlelight, and I don’t intend to stumble through the house in pitch dark. But as I use the lights that are burning right now at 10 o’oclock at night, I’m a little more aware of where and when I really need the benefits of electric lights…and where I can see and do all that I need to with the natural light that is all around me.

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Day 32: Reflect

Posted on February 1, 2014 by joshdaddy

So today’s focus on reflection follows on yesterday’s review of a month’s worth of daily experiments in living simply. I can’t say that today’s reflection has been in the foreground of my mind all day, but it did serve as a resting point, so to speak, toward the end of the day–an opportunity to think about where I’ve been and where I’m heading, and to try to identify some patterns.

As might be expected, my review of the past 31 days is a mixed bag. Some areas I would say I’ve made considerable progress in simplifying my life and living more attentively and deliberately.

In other areas… not so much.

Anyway, here is what I’ve managed to sort out:

  • Eliminating Clutter and Excess: I am definitely looking for ways to cut down on the things I am holding onto–material and otherwise. The closet and the t-shirts are a good start, but there’s much more that I can do. I’d like to cancel a few more of those add-on’s and memberships (I still need to take a trip to that gym!) and I would like to keep that burden of debt from building back up.
  • Creating Spaces with Purpose: I have seen a notable transition in the household, as one room after another transforms from a zone of unattended accumulation to a space with its own utility and meaning. And apparently it is contagious–my youngest spontaneously declared it was time for her to clean her room! But it’s not just about cleaning or tidying up–it’s about allowing these spaces to emerge within the house that make me (and my family, I believe) more aware of how we occupy the spaces of our daily life.
  • Developing a Daily Practice: Losing the clutter and finding livable spaces in the house is great–but in my reckoning, this one area of focus is the core of everything else. In some areas, I am very happy with my ability to maintain a daily routine of attentiveness–my morning practice of sitting quietly, and my continued moments of quiet on the drive into work. In other areas, I see a need for more attention to a daily discipline of small, yet meaningful acts–trying to stop during the day, to look and listen at what is going on in the moment, to be aware of my pace, to slow down and when necessary, to rest.

All in all, though, I would say that the past month has been transformative, but on a scale of small steps and simple actions. I didn’t expect miraculous changes, but in just a short period of 31 days, I do feel my attention shifting toward a focus on living more deliberately. And after today’s reflection, I believe I have a sense of where I need a bit more attention if I am going to sustain this focus.

Now, onto Day 33!

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Day 31: Review

Posted on January 31, 2014 by joshdaddy

Cover_Image_4Well, it looks like I’ve made it through an entire month of this yearlong journey. I think what surprises me the most isn’t the fact that I’ve managed to find some little act to focus upon each day, or even the fact that I’ve managed to blog daily on this process–what is most amazing is that a month has gone by! It seems like I’ve just gotten started on this process, and here we are, slipping into February.

So for today, I thought it would be fitting to take some time to reread and review everything I have written so far, and all the daily experiments I have taken on. I’m not going to try to draw any conclusions on where I’ve come from or where I’m going–I’m saving that bit of self-reflection for tomorrow–for today, I simply want to retrace the 31-day path that has led me from (re)reading Thoreau to this current day’s review.

It took me about an hour–a little more, I suppose. I sat upstairs, door closed, in my bedroom. It was a challenge to read these reflections and not give into that writer’s impulse to edit or amend (OK, I admit it: I did fix a couple of errors I overlooked the first time around). What I wanted to try to catch a glimpse of, in reviewing all of these entries, was not just each individual, daily challenge, but the flow of one day into the next, and the impact of one attempt at simple living on the days that followed.

So a short post for today as I sit with these thoughts. More reflection tomorrow….

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Day 30: Dine

Posted on January 30, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1873OK, that’s an awfully fancy-sounding word for a blog dedicated to living simply, I know, but the focus on “dining” today is part of the ongoing process of rethinking spaces in our house and trying to clear and polish them enough to show off their particular purpose and utility. So today’s challenge: the dining room, which for the longest time has served primarily as the landing pad for our house, since it is the first room we enter when coming in the front door.

We do have an office of sorts upstairs–another space needing a major overhaul–but the dining room table is just too convenient a place to pile up bills, and magazines (and catalogs of course!) along with school papers, and book bags, and lunch boxes, and so on.

So today (yes, another snow day) I cleared out the entire room of anything that didn’t help declare this room as a place for eating. OK, I did leave a small container to hold bills, and there’s a glass bowl on the table by the door leading outside for car keys, and a chair IMG_1877for a briefcase or a book bag–but other than that, I removed all the unnecessary clutter from this room and tried to return it to its use as a place for gathering around a meal.

Now I wouldn’t expect us to eat every meal in this room, but certainly we could eat more meals here. We talked over dinner tonight (burritos–just to counteract the fanciness of eating in a dining room, I suppose) about what was different eating here instead of in the kitchen. From my three kids I got: “It’s cozier,” “We can see each other better because we are sitting right across from each other,” and “It feels more special.”

I definitely felt we were more present for the meal, that’s for sure. And the burritos tasted especially yummy.

Coincidence? I think not!

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Day 29: Abide

Posted on January 29, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1862Yeah, I can’t hear that word either without thinking of The Dude–and I suppose an image of Jeff Bridges would probably increase my blog traffic….

Today is a snow day in Atlanta. To be honest, I would rather deal with a foot of snow in New England, where I grew up, than an inch of snow in Atlanta. My 30 minute (give or take) drive home took me three hours yesterday–and I was one of the lucky ones. I had colleagues on the road for anywhere between five and nine hours–and I know of at least two friends who ended up spending the night at work or at a public school-turned-shelter.

Truly terrible.

So I have a lot to be grateful for, that’s for sure–and very little reason to complain. But this snow is very inconvenient, and it is forcing me to alter my plans….

My challenge today: staying put. It’s going to stay below freezing all day, and my road is probably still iced over. Beyond my road, the traffic maps show that most of the major roadways are still a tangle. Even if I were to try to get out somewhere, I’d be adding unnecessarily to the volume on the road, making things harder for other drivers (some of whom may very well be still trying to get home from yesterday’s mess).

So for today, I am trying to be grateful that I am home, and warm, and with my family. And that’s hard. My instinct (ok, my habit) is to go, go, go. Trust me: I can get cabin fever in just a few hours (you should have seen me when an ice storm locked us down for three days!) There’s a lot of things that I have no control over–and the weather is certainly one of them. So instead of pushing things, or railing against reality, today, I simply need to abide, wait for the thaw, and carry on.

There’s a lot I need to do over the next two days–all sorts of big work commitments. Some I can attend to from home. The majority I cannot. Plans may need to change, meetings may need to be rescheduled.

But all I can do today is sit, wait, and be in the day.

That doesn’t sound too unpleasant, does it?

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Day 28: Opt-Out

Posted on January 28, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1854So tomorrow is recycling day–a great reminder that every week, I am taking part in a needless cycle–I get catalogs in the mail, which I then throw into recycling, which are then turned back into paper, to make more catalogs… and so on.

Really, 21 catalogs in a week is probably average–or if anything, a little on the light side. Certainly during the holiday season it’s a lot heavier–so heavy that our letter carrier can’t even fit them in our mailbox.

Ridiculous.

So I remembered hearing something about CatalogChoice on NPR sometime back. They have since been bought out by TrustedID, but as far as I can tell, it’s the same kind of set up: register an address, search for a company, and then opt-out. You can choose cataloghow often you receive catalogs (one or twice a year, holidays only)–or opt-out entirely, which is what I did.

Of the 21 catalogs we received this week, I managed to opt-out of postal deliveries for 18 very easily. One company required an email (TrustedID gives you cut-and-paste content to use), and one company, responsible for two catalogs, was not listed.

So now I wait to see if I have actually managed to slim down on my bulk mail. I figure I can keep to a regimen of once a month, pulling whatever catalogs still manage to show up in my mailbox and opting out of those as well.

TrustedID is not the only outfit to help eliminate unwanted catalog mail. You can also register with the Direct Marketing Association for their opt-out program. And I’m sure there are others (Have you opted-out? What did you use?)

I’m really not sure if one way of opting out is more effective than another–the important thing for me was taking a simple action to cut down on a pointless waste that I am otherwise tacitly supporting by receiving all these catalogs in my mailbox everyday.

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Day 27: Sustain

Posted on January 27, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1840Today’s entry is really a continuation of yesterday‘s posting. The bedroom overhaul proved to be just a bit too much for one day–and there didn’t seem to be much point in staying up all night, frantically trying to simplify my life….

But I got close. I tackled the majority of the clutter–the piles of stuff everywhere that kept me from spending time in the room other than between the hours of  midnight and 6am. So I called it a day with the promise to myself that I would complete the job sometime this evening after work.

But today’s focus wasn’t just about getting to that final pile of clothes in the corner of the room. It was about sustaining the commitment I had made to make that room a place of refuge. In this instance, close enough just wasn’t good enough.

IMG_1851I am not talking about being a perfectionist, or giving into some flavor of OCD tidying (trust me–I’d have a long way to go before I hit that threshold). Rather, in making sure I sustained yesterday’s efforts into today, I am trying to call my attention to this year’s focus on simplicity and deliberate living not as a collection of singular gestures, but as an ongoing daily practice: a discipline.

And there’s a simple pleasure, I think, in this sort of discipline. I’ve managed to sustain a sense of order and purpose in our living room, for example, and I am truly enjoying those quiet moments in the morning in that space. And come to think of it: I have managed to  sustain a practice of quiet sitting every morning for just about a month now–much to my own benefit.

So today’s focus is a reminder that maintaining order and purpose in my home is really no more chore than similar practices, such as quiet sitting every morning.

Sustaining attention to these simple details is a reward in itself.

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Day 26: Nest

Posted on January 26, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_1838Yup, it’s another installment of Dude, clean your house already!

Ever since I hauled out all the stuff that had piled up in our living room, I’ve been using that room quite a bit. It’s become one of the most pleasant places in the house, especially early in the morning and late at night.

The experience of transforming that room from a non-place to a space for relaxation got me to thinking about other rooms in the house that likewise could benefit from a more definite sense of purpose.

Given that I spent a good bit of time shedding my wardrobe yesterday, the bedroom seemed like a good choice of where to start.

The challenge was: how could I dedicate this space to its own flavor of utility, much as I discovered I had done with the living room? Why not make the bedroom a sort of refuge within the house?

Right now, there’s barely room to walk around, much less take comfort. But the room certainly has some promise. As with most of the spaces in the house, the first step was clearing out the stuff we absolutely no longer need–for example, the changing table that has been piled high with all sort of stuff for years. Then there’s the stacks of papers in the corner, some shipping packaging tucked behind the chair, the carry-on luggage from our last trip that never quite made it back into storage, etc. etc. You get the idea.

IMG_1842It turned out to be a much bigger job than I had anticipated and really I only got to one half of the room. What I accomplished, though, was quite a success: my youngest ran into the bedroom, having been out of the house most of the day, and exclaimed: “This room looks awesome!”

I don’t know about “awesome,” but it is a major improvement–even if I didn’t quite finish. Still, the room definitely looks like the kind of space where I can imagine closing the door, sitting quietly, and getting away from the turmoil of the day.

Looks like I will have to tackle the other half of the room tomorrow!

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