Day 255: Bushwhack

Posted on September 12, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2918Oh, I’m starting to feel a little guilty again.

There are those boxes that still need to be unpacked–or better yet: if it’s been over a month and stuff is still in boxes, maybe I need to donate those boxes without even opening them!

And there’s still some organization I need to do to make our daily lives a little bit less frustrating. Just this morning I was clearing out freezer-burned bread dating back to the late Pleistocene Epoch.

But I didn’t want to deal with any of that tonight. Instead, I decided to head out into the stretch of woods just on the other side of the field by our house. It’s a very steep ravine, with a creek (or two or three) running down through it until it eventually joins up with a larger river.

There’s a few deer trails to follow, but mostly it’s a bushwhack through rhododendron forest. And did I mention how steep a grade it is? I definitely had plenty of opportunity to mind my steps!

Part of my motivation for exploring this ravine was to look for undiscovered cliff lines. Well, undiscovered by me, at least. And I found a couple of interesting spots along the way–two very large rock slabs, a “secret grotto,” and what looked to be a rather decent waterfall.

I’m not sure about the waterfall because I couldn’t quite find a safe path down. It started to rain, and then it started to pour, so I gave up and turned around.

I only panicked once, and briefly–there I was, soaking wet in the pouring rain, in the middle of the woods with fogged glasses and steep drop-offs, tangled in rhododendrons with just about 45 minutes of daylight left in the day.

But then I relaxed, waited a few moments for the rain to let up a bit, and then I continued back up the ravine.

Oh–And it helped to remember that as long as my battery lasted, I always had GPS to assist me on my way!

But finding rock was only part of my motivation for getting out in the woods tonight. The other reason I wanted to get into the woods on my own was to put a little distance between me and my workweek. Don’t get me wrong–I’m still loving my job–but that doesn’t mean I want to carry it with me through Saturday and Sunday. Nothing clears my head more than trying to keep from butt sledding down a rocky ravine in a rain storm.

I made it home before dark, changed out of my wet and muddy clothes and sat down to a nice pot of homemade chicken soup. Had I cleared my mind entirely of workaday concerns? No, not entirely.

But I did manage to clear away quite a bit of underbrush.

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Day 254: Shake

Posted on September 11, 2014 by joshdaddy

Nope, even though I am very happy at my new job and in my new home in my new town, I didn’t expect that I would suddenly live a problem-free life.

So today I had a bad day. Well, let me put that more precisely: this morning started off badly, and I’ve had a hard time shaking it all day.

Everyone stayed up just a little too late last night, so this morning, everyone was just a little too tired. We all made it out the door and to school without being late, but not without a lot of fussing, and stress, and yes even some raised voices.

I’m all about being human and allowing myself–and others–mistakes, but for whatever reason, I have been in a bit of a funk all day. Well, not without respite. Certainly I had bright moments and pleasant conversations, but there was still that undercurrent that I couldn’t quite shake.

And tonight has been the same way.

So here I am, at 9:33, still trying to shake it off.

I’m reminded of a practice that my dissertation advisor shared with me years ago (in addition to being a great faculty role model, she was also pretty tuned in on mindfulness meditation). It’s a simple practice of watching emotions as they arise, labeling them, and then watching them dissipate.

Because isn’t it really an illusion that “all day” I’ve been in a funk? I’ve felt all sorts of things today, but what I keep “re-feeling” (and that’s what resentment means, right?) is a kind of emotional hangover from a stressful morning.

So maybe I’m done with shaking.

Maybe I need to take a little time to sit still, observe… and let go.

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Day 253: Step

Posted on September 11, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, I’ve written quite a few times about my love of climbing and hiking, but there’s one confession I have to make: I’m not the most sure-footed of people on a trail. Sometimes I’ll blame my old, worn-out approach shoes. And sometimes I’ll admit that maybe, just maybe, I lose my focus and stop paying attention to where I’m placing my feet.

So today we had another after-work outing–off to a crag that will never be in anyone’s guidebook, because it’s just a little cliff line tucked away on someone’s private property (to which we had been given access.)

Our leader hadn’t been up to this crag for a couple of years, so we spent about a half hour bushwacking through rhododendrons and wandering around on deer trails until we found the cliff line. Given the rough terrain and steep incline, I realized I was going to have to pay very close attention to my feet–or I would be off of them and tumbling downhill in no time.

That gave me an opportunity to be very intentional in my hiking tonight. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that it was a walking meditation, but when I could bring my attention to each step that I took, it allowed me to be just a little bit more present. And it was pretty telling that when I was attending to each step, I was as sure-footed as I’ve ever been… but when I caught myself thinking about attending to each step, I really wasn’t attending to my body at all.

And of course my mind drifted. And of course, I lost my footing now and then (so did everyone else, mind you!) But the exercise was worth it–and was worth repeating on the walk back downhill… in the dark.

Next time we go out on an after-work climb, maybe I’ll remember to attend to each step on the trail… and maybe I’ll remember to bring a headlamp too!

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Day 252: Untangle

Posted on September 9, 2014 by joshdaddy

Blah! I am caught up in a technical difficulty that is anything but simple right now. It’s not a big thing–just trying to set up an email fax account, but somehow I’ve gotten myself tangled up in some sort of loop that I can’t quite get out of (the website says I don’t have an account, but when I try to set up another account using the same email address, it’s telling me I already have an account).

I’m not sure what I can do to simplify my life right now–other than give up and wait for tomorrow morning to call customer support.

Right now, I’m trying my best not to let my irritation bleed out into the house. The rest of the family is downstairs watching a movie. There is an apple pie cooling in the kitchen.

Maybe just five more minutes trying to solve this problem.

And if this tangle doesn’t come undone, then it’s pie and movie time.

Either way, wish me luck!

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Day 251: Arrive

Posted on September 8, 2014 by joshdaddy

I’m here.

The academic job market is a little odd. Ads post in the fall–usually September or October–with deadlines toward the end of the semester, and then invitations for interviews during January and February.

And then that’s it, until next year.

I was at my last job for about eight years, and I think six or seven of those eight years I spent on the job market with varying degrees of seriousness.

Before that, I was on the job market, for another four or five years as well.

All in all, I have been looking for a job pretty much every year for the past thirteen years. That’s longer than two of my three children have been alive.

So now the job season is upon us–and here I am: at a university where I’m happy teaching, and in a part of the country that I absolutely love. And it feels good.

I have been after the next thing for a long, long time. And what’s odd is: now that I’m here–it feels perfectly comfortable to accept that I am where I want to be.

Sure, I had a bit of an existential crisis not too long ago, but as my born-old son so rightly pointed out: it was a passing thing.

I’m here.

Now.

And I’m good with that.

 

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Day 250: Trek

Posted on September 7, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2884Another Sunday in the woods.

Even when we were living in the city, I would make a point of getting outdoors with the kids as often as I could. What’s changed now is that “as often as I can” really means “anytime I want.”

I sneak out into the woods several times a week these days, but Sundays have become the day when I take all three kids on some sort of outdoor adventure. Today we went waterfall hunting.

OK, it wasn’t much of a hunt–we knew where we were going, and we knew how to get there. But it was a first time trip to this particular waterfall, so I say it counts as an exploration, even if we were on a well-marked trail the entire way.

I like knowing that my kids are growing up with nature all around them. Not only did we see a great waterfall today, but we also stopped several times to observe some truly bizarre-looking caterpillars, and to point out milkweed and thistle and indigo, and to balance-beam our way across fallen trees that spanned the river.

OK, I didn’t actually do the last one of those, but I enjoyed watching the kids in their exploits.

I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday.

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Day 249: Invite

Posted on September 6, 2014 by joshdaddy

We had plans to meet some new friends for a cook-out at a park just down the road from our home. We knew the weather would be a bit dodgy again today, so our backup plan was to head back to our house and cook inside. Sure enough, just as we arrived, so did the thunder, followed by big, heavy drops of rain.

So off we went to our home. And of course, by the time we got there, the rain had let up again, which was fine. The grown-ups went inside, while all five kids took off to play in the creek.

And that’s when I realized: we had just invited into our home our first new friends.

It was fun getting to know some new people and watching our kids make some new friends as well. For the past eight years at my last job, I really did nothing social with any of my co-workers, with the exception of the occasional lunch outing or retirement party. And I can only think of one instance in which I invited those co-workers to my home, and that was for a work holiday party.

But now, I am finding myself living closer to work, and living in a much more tightly knit community, in which my children are going to school with the children of co-workers, and I am running into people-who-know-other people-I-know on a regular basis.

It might be time to let down some of those walls.

Sure, there are some good reasons to maintain some healthy boundaries between work and home, but at the same time, I think I have something to gain from inviting some new friends into my home, even if we do happen to work on the same campus.

 

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Day 248: Drip

Posted on September 5, 2014 by joshdaddy

A couple of weeks back, we had a stretch of bad weather that started to wear me down a bit. We’ve hit another rainy patch, but it feels quite different this time. Maybe it’s because we’re getting good doses of sun before and after the downpours. Or maybe it’s a change in my attitude. Whatever the cause, I enjoyed today’s rain.

I had a break between appointments today and decided to go out for lunch, even though the rain was threatening to move back in. And sure enough, it did. By the time I was ready to get back to my office, it was “pouring down the rain” as my wife’s grandmother would always say.

I had my umbrella, so I didn’t get drenched. But the rain was falling hard enough that I certainly caught my fair share. And it didn’t annoy me or irritate me to be “caught” in the rain. And I didn’t rush back to my building either. I walked, observed, and listened–and got a bit wet to boot.

And to be honest, I enjoyed it immensely.

By the time I left my office for the day, the rain had stopped and the sun had returned. I enjoyed the late afternoon sunshine, but it also felt good to know that I had managed to “catch” the rain today.

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Day 247: Content

Posted on September 4, 2014 by joshdaddy

Why is “content” more commonly used as an adjective rather than as a verb? Why is it something that I “am,” rather than something that I do?

Maybe that seems counter-intuitive, as though I am placing priority on doing over being (I hear echoes of pop psychology in my head: “I’m a human being, not a human doing.”)

But here’s the thing: on any given day, I am capable of being many things, from one moment to the next. Contentment, I would say, is more of a way of orienting myself on any given day, in any given circumstance. It’s not so much describing “who I am,” but rather how I position myself in the world.

So today was no big thing, really. Nothing monumental happened, just the standard ups and downs. But I was aware of a certain lightness about me all day.

Apparently, I was doing contentment, and doing it without much effort.

I’m sure tomorrow, or some other day in the near or distant future, I will find myself sitting squarely in discontent. Hopefully today will be a reminder of how easy it is to reorient myself toward contentment, no matter what I find myself doing–or being.

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Day 246: Recycle

Posted on September 3, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2876So as promised yesterday, today I am recycling an old daily challenge, one of my first really: the pantry.

Back on Day 4, I was realizing that my completely chaotic and utterly overflowing pantry was a daily nuisance to me, but I had grown so accustomed to being annoyed by it, I never actually took the time to address the problem.

We have a similar situation in our new home. When we arrived in our house, it was far from empty. There was furniture in every room, decorations on the walls–and food in the pantry, all of it left by my in-laws, who in the past would stay up in the mountains for long stretches between May and September.

Rather than boxing up all the canned goods and stowing them away for a year, we just pushed our new purchases onto the shelves wherever they would fit. The result: well, you can see for yourself.

IMG_2877Tonight, I went through everything on the shelves and did what I should have done a month ago. I checked expiration dates on the cans, and I looked for rust and bulges. It turns out lots of what was in there was way past the “Use By” date–as far back as 2009. And if a can has an expiration date of 2009, that means it probably dates back another two years, if not longer.

So out it went. And yes, it did feel wrong to be throwing away food, but given the fact that even the most hard strapped of food banks would have passed on these goods, I’m not sure what else I could have done.

The end result: I have a pantry I can find things in, once again–and I have eliminated one minor, nagging irritation from my daily life.

 

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