Day 225: Obey

Posted on August 13, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, I’m not exactly proud of today’s entry, but: I got a speeding ticket tonight.

I could probably give you some really good reasons why I didn’t deserve a ticket. After all, the Ranger was at the bottom of a hill, so of course I had picked up speed. And the speed limit had just changed a mile or so back from 45 to 35, so how was I to know?

And so on.

But the fact is: I was driving above the speed limit on the Blue Ridge Parkway, and I earned myself a speeding ticket in the process.

I’m not a scofflaw by any means. And trust me: there are plenty of stretches on the Parkway where just going the speed limit is enough of an adrenaline boost for me. What happened tonight was: I have gotten so used to this little stretch on the Parkway that I stopped paying attention to pesky little things like speed limit signs. Not exactly mindful driving, I must admit.

The strangest part of tonight, though, was how friendly the Ranger seemed. I was apologetic, and in an odd way, so was he. He took more time than I would have expected to lay out for me where the Parkway drops down to 35 MPH–and warned me in particular to watch my speed in Virginia.

So no, I’m not going to dispute the ticket. And yes, I will watch my speed and obey the posted limits.

But more importantly: I will use this ticket as a reminder to stay attentive, even when familiarity starts to set in.

 

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Day 224: Lunch

Posted on August 12, 2014 by joshdaddy

Back in Atlanta, my campus was over twenty miles away from my home. It made for a long drive in, and a long drive back. It also meant that in a lot of ways, my life on campus and my daily life off campus were two, non-intersecting worlds.

Now, my campus is about eight miles away–about fifteen minutes max–and that’s if the fog is bad! Not only has my commute improved (it’s a much prettier drive too!) but it has also made it easier to have a more integrated work-and-home life.

Minor example: lunch.

Today, I met my wife downtown for lunch. She called me at around 11:45, I locked up my office, and then walked down the hill and into town. I grabbed a table for two out front–yes, we had sun today!– and waited for her to arrive. We chatted, sipped some coffee, and enjoyed a good meal together. After lunch, she walked me back to my office, and then went on her way.

Once upon a time, back when our two oldest kids were really, really young, I had a job that was  a short drive from home. Every once in a while my wife would bring the boys on campus and we would have a picnic together on the campus lawn. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to do something as simple as share a mid-day meal with my spouse.

Perhaps in a few months or a few years it will all seem very routine and hardly worth a comment. But for today at least, it was an extraordinary treat.

 

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Day 223: Weather

Posted on August 12, 2014 by joshdaddy

It has been raining since Friday. Not quite non-stop, but close enough (and the periods between the rain have been blanketed in thick fog). I escaped the rain on Saturday, with our trip down to Charlotte, but other than that, our outdoor activities have been significantly limited.

I wouldn’t say I’ve reached the point of cabin fever, but the weather has been dragging me down a bit. So today, I’ve been reminding myself that–like everything else–the weather will pass.

I’m not sure if it is cause, or effect, or post hoc fallacy, but I also felt my first little taste of work-related stress today. As with the weather: nothing major, but I was definitely feeling the fog roll in, so to speak.

It’s funny to me how I respond to stress–or to weather-induced feelings of oppression, for that matter. I forget that it’s entirely understandable to feel these feelings. I mean really–I did just move, and I did just start a new job–I think if I didn’t feel any stress that would be more of a concern!

And four solid days of rain is a bit much, right?

So today, I weathered on. And guess what? This evening, somewhere between chopping the summer squash and breading the chicken cutlets, the fog lifted.

The emotional fog, that is. Outside it was still thick as pea soup. Maybe tomorrow we will see some sun….

As an old friend of mine liked to point out: “You know, in the Bible, it always says: it came to pass…. Never once does it say it came to stay.”

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Day 222: Screen

Posted on August 11, 2014 by joshdaddy

The best part of today? The last two hours, which I spent sitting on the couch watching a movie with my family.

Our local grocery store has a bin of used DVD’s for sale, at the same price that it costs to rent a movie. It’s an eclectic assortment of films, to say the least, but with a little digging and a little luck, we have managed to unearth some good films.

We brought home an indie comedy tonight, and it was a pretty funny film. But really, what made it worth two hours was the fact that we were all in the same room watching it.

It might be a bit of a cliche, but “family movie night” is a good and simple thing.

 

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Day 221: Help

Posted on August 9, 2014 by joshdaddy

I drove my nephew to the airport in Charlotte this morning–we left the house around 7:30am. After a quick, curbside rendezvous with my sister, who had flown down to pick up her son, we were off to spend several hours at what is now our closest, large climbing gym. On the drive back home, we stopped for lunch at a sandwich shop that claimed to offer banh mi sandwiches. Not quite–it was actually a pulled pork sandwich with pickled vegetables on French bread. I went with the roast beef instead. One final pit stop to pick up a couple of pairs of pants for school for our oldest (who apparently shot up quite a bit over the past few months), and then it was back up the foggy mountain road to our home up on the ridge.

Meanwhile, my wife had stayed behind, attempting to tackle the bags and boxes of clothes–mostly hers at this point–that still littered the bedroom. She had made a dent, but she was looking pretty overwhelmed.

As I’ve said before, I tend to lead rather than follow. That means when I see something that needs doing, my first instinct is to tackle it myself. It’s a much harder task for me to support a process, rather than trying to run the whole darn thing.

But this was my wife’s stuff to organize. Some of it was sort-through material that she never quite got to with her father passing just as we were moving. Some of it needed hanging, and some of it needed to be stored away until winter.

So I made myself available. Whatever little task she asked me to do, I made that my next goal. I broke down boxes as they emptied out. I hauled bags into the attic. I folded clothes and left them in stacks to be arranged as need be.

I helped.

The bedroom isn’t quite finished yet, but it’s much, much better. More importantly, though–we are ending a long and busy day without anyone looking or feeling too overwhelmed.

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Day 220: Shuffle

Posted on August 8, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, today might be a bit of a cheat–but it’s something.

We have had a modest pile of boxes sitting in the front room of our house. They were neatly piled, but still: a pile of boxes is a pile of boxes. I’ve done a fairly decent job of treating them as though they were invisible for the past week, but this evening, I cleared them out of that room.

I’d like to say that I unpacked each box and put things in their proper place, taking the opportunity to shed a bit more unnecessary clutter along the way.

But I didn’t.

I cleared out one, big box. But then another box (filled with those unsorted pictures) I moved to a closet. And another box went up into the attic. It was less of an uncluttering than a shuffling of piles.

In the process, though, I managed to make our front room look more like a living space, rather than a warehouse.

Like I said: not much of a challenge today, but hey–it’s been a long day.

And progress is progress.

 

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Day 219: Chart

Posted on August 7, 2014 by joshdaddy

Speaking of shortcomings: Today I started my day by yelling at a recorded voice.

OK, so I was a little frustrated by the repeated prompts of “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. It sounded like you wanted to order new service.” Which I didn’t. Quite the opposite, actually. I had cancelled phone service for our home back in Georgia effective two weeks ago, and I just received a bill for service through the middle of this month.

Eventually, I got a human. I didn’t yell at her, but I was plenty irritated when she explained to me that no cancellation order had ever been placed–even though I had a confirmation number for said order.

Let’s just say I didn’t win the Customer of the Day award and leave it at that.

So this unpleasant exchange this morning (entirely avoidable and entirely of my making) got me to thinking about how no matter what I chose to pack, or store, or give away during our “big move,” the one thing that I couldn’t escape bringing with me up to North Carolina was myself.

It’s a pleasant fantasy: change your location and change your life. Leave everything behind and build a New World. It’s why Utopianists cross oceans and deserts to create perfect societies. And it’s why utopias fail.

Don’t get me wrong: there is indeed something special about changes in location. I firmly believe that we become in the environments we put ourselves in. But I’m also pretty clear on the fact that even though so much has changed, and will continue to change, in our daily lives, I am still the same person who gets aggravated with automated voice systems, and who tends to get a little too self-righteous in his indignation.

But something was different. In the midst of being a disgruntled customer, I happened to catch a view of a peak in the distance. And it struck me that something was very much out of joint. Not that it’s okay to be reactive and emotionally volatile in a city, but impatience, intolerance, and irritability seemed decidedly out of place here. So since here is where I want to be, maybe it’s time for me to chart a new emotional course.

Let’s see how I do when I get my final cable bill later this month.

 

 

 

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Day 218: Calibrate

Posted on August 6, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2776Tonight’s revelation: I am as good as I am.

Pretty major, right?

Here’s the thing: I really enjoy climbing. But I’m not by any means a really strong climber. I’d love to be climbing a grade or two higher than my current level, but given that I’m in my 50th year, and I started climbing well into my 40s, I’m probably not going to advance too much further–and at some point in the future, I’m sure just holding ground will be a major accomplishment.

I went out to Grandmother Mountain today after work. It’s tucked away in thick woods, just past the far better known (and more easily photographed) Grandfather IMG_2768Mountain. It was our first trip out there, and it really is a great collection of boulders. But I started to get a little discouraged. I could make up a whole bunch of excuses for why I was struggling tonight (it’s different rock than I’m used to; they must sandbag their ratings up here; I probably need to adjust to the altitude a little longer; etc.), but the bottom line is this:

I am climbing at my level, whether I like it or not.

That doesn’t mean I can’t push myself to discover what that level really is. Nor does it mean that I can’t simply enjoy being outdoors and on the rock, regardless of how hard I am climbing. But today, as I let go of my discouragement and just climbed as I could, I managed to put what I was experiencing on the rock into a more meaningful context–let’s call it the wisdom of humility.

I have no shortage of character flaws and drawbacks, that’s for certain. But I also have my share of gifts. And if I can’t see myself as I am, right now, then what chance do I have of being anything but discouraged?

And of course, as the evening wore on and I let go of my self-imposed expectations, I found myself quite happy with my level of climbing. Sure, those other climbers wandering through the crag would call my big send of the evening a warm-up, but for me, it felt just right.

I often remind myself to be gentle with others. Sometimes I need a reminder to be gentle with the person that I am.

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Day 217: Alter

Posted on August 5, 2014 by joshdaddy

Our geriatric cat is discovering her wild side.

Every since moving up to the mountains, Skye has decided that she wants to be an outdoor cat. She had no interest in the outdoors back in Atlanta, but now, every time the front door opens, she and the dog are both there by my feet, ready to explore.

She has altered her morning routine accordingly. Now, when I putter out to the kitchen to get the coffee going, she’s right there behind me, trying her best to join me on the porch for my first cup of coffee.

I have enjoyed finding a new morning routine, and I appreciate the company of Skye the Cat. But this morning, I altered my routine. Not a big deal, I know, but it created a minor dilemma for me–and without any caffeine in my system to help me find my way.

As I was getting ready to pour that first cup of coffee, I noticed the dishes in the sink–we maxed out the dishwasher the night before and left the surplus overnight for a morning wash. Sure, we could have washed that last stack by hand, but there you have it.

So now it was morning, and what was I to do: stick with my routine of a quiet, simple start to the day, and leave the dishes for someone else, or just do the dishes myself.

Yeah, I did the dishes.

I am happy to report, though, that tonight the sink is empty. Skye will be pleased to discover tomorrow that we have returned to our regularly scheduled morning.

 

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Day 216: Exist

Posted on August 4, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, I wouldn’t call it a full-blown existential crisis, but today was kind of a counterpoint to yesterday’s subtle shift in perspective:

Day by day, I am building a new version of my everyday life.

And there is a lot of excitement in that process. So much new to discover. So many opportunities for exploration and adventure….

But then there’s the everydayness of it all as well.

It’s not uncommon, I know–as much as I might try to inoculate myself against goal-directed living, the truth is: so much of the last three months has been all about packing, and moving, and settling into our new life here in the mountains.

And now here we are….

My oldest boy expressed a very similar sentiment shortly after his national championship. So much of his time and energy and focus went into training for that one event, that once it passed he found himself wondering: now what?

“But I’m OK now, papa,” he reassured me, “It was just a passing thing.”

And that’s the secret, isn’t it. They are all just passing things.

So tonight I am feeling just a little bit of unease–hardly a full-blown case of nausea; more like a slight case of existential wooziness.

The challenge, I think, is not to avoid feeling what I am feeling, but rather to be present even in the discomfort, and to know that this too is part of a process of transforming our lives.

This too is part of saying “yes” to that new life.

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