Day 165: Slacken

I tell you–we’re not quite halfway through this year and it’s getting harder to avoid reusing subject headings. Today’s post should really be entitled “loosen,” but that one was already taken. And so was unwind. So we’re going to go with a synonym–and one that happens to have a relationship to climbing as well. More on that in a little bit.

Ever since I got off the plane last night, I’ve had a tight neck that has been teetering on a full-blown headache. It’s not that uncommon for me, especially after I’ve been toting bags around, or driving all day, and there have been periods when I have maintained a steady regimen of ibuprofen just to keep my muscles loose.

A good night’s sleep can do the trick too–but this morning I woke up with that nagging tightness still there, and with another plane to catch.

But rather than immediately seeking relief–quashing the pain before it is really full-on pain–I decided that I would be as attentive as I could be to where I was holding my tension in my muscles, and then just try to loosen up. Lots of neck rolls all day, and kneading of muscles, and slackening of my jaw. And you know, for the most part, that worked just fine for just about the entire day. The pain would start to well up, I would taken a moment to loosen up, and then the pain would dissipate.

So where does the climbing come in?

I’m in Texas today for a divisional championship with my oldest boy, the competitive climber. He is only competing in one category this season: speed. We got to the gym early and had about an hour before the check-in. I thought he would want to hang out with his team mates, many of whom had competed in the morning and were waiting for the afternoon speed session. After about fifteen minutes, though, he asked if we could leave the gym until closer to check-in time. His explanation: he didn’t want to spend the next hour staring at his speed route and running it in head head. He wanted to stay loose and relaxed right up until competition. So I obliged.

I didn’t actually see him do his two qualifying speed climbs–I was volunteering for another age category in a different area of the gym. When we caught up later in the day, I asked him how he thought he did. He told me he scratched on his first climb, and then climbed a bit more cautiously–not his full out fastest–on the second, to make sure he had at least one qualifying time. As we were getting ready to go, he stopped me:

“Listen: if you know what my time is on that second run, don’t tell me. I really don’t want to have that number in my head tomorrow for finals.”

I told him that since I hadn’t been on his side of the gym, and scores hadn’t been posted, I had no idea what his time was.

“Good. Let’s just leave it like that and not know what it is.”

I was really impressed with his ability to keep a loose grip on everything. He seemed confident enough to know that he had qualified for finals tomorrow, but he didn’t want to get caught up in a “must beat” mental game with himself. Or with me, for that matter.

He was calling for slack, and I was more than willing to offer it to him.

It may seem like a stretch to connect my attempts to keep my neck loose with my son’s desire to remain mentally loose in this competition, but in a lot of ways, I do see a similarity. It’s about knowing what ties you in knots, and figuring out how to keep from getting bound up too tightly.

And yes, I did eventually take two ibuprofen, about a half hour ago, as the headache started to win out; and yes, I did check the speed results online at about the same time, just to confirm that he did indeed qualify for tomorrow’s finals….

But today’s challenge was very much about learning how to loosen up–literally and figuratively–and how to keep from letting “focus” turn into an unhealthy, unhelpful tension.

 

 

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Day 164: Prepone

Sure it’s a word–go ahead and Google it. I’ll wait for you here until you get back….

OK, outside of the three weeks I spent in India about a decade ago, I haven’t actually heard anyone use that word, but what a great concept–and how appropriate for today.

When I started this blog, I was posting as often in the day as I was at night, but over the weeks and months, I have shifted into a late-night writing pattern. Often that makes good sense, since I am reflecting on the day, but it can also create a kind of “blogging pressure” to get my post done when I am tired and wanting to unwind.

So, in keeping with yesterday’s call to reduce potential stress by making preparations, today I am shifting my blog writing to this morning, so I will have a clear plate for this evening.

We fly back to Atlanta later today and will touch down at Hartsfield-Jackson around 8pm. By the time I get back to my house, it will be close to 9pm–and then I’m back in the air about twelve hours later. That leaves me precious little time to see my wife and the two kid I haven’t seen in a week.

Trying to squeeze in some time to write a blog entry during that little window would not simplify my life any, that’s for sure.

So let’s prepone today’s entry. There–we just did it!

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Day 163: Fasten

…as in: your seatbelts.

No, I haven’t gotten on the plane yet–we fly out tomorrow. But I am predicting some “turbulence” over the next few days, so it may be time to prepare in advance for a rough patch.

The next few weeks will be pretty hectic. I fly in tomorrow night, then fly out again the following day for a weekend in Houston. Back Sunday night–and back to packing boxes and prepping for the move–and then I hop in my car Thursday night and drive up to North Carolina to tend to responsibilities up there through the weekend.

The travel will lighten up after that, but I don’t see the activity level dropping off until mid-July.

I know it’s going to get bumpy–it’s only natural that my own stress level would start to creep up over the coming days and weeks. But I really don’t want to start taking out my stress on the people around me. So, as they do on the airplane: I’m trying to prepare ahead of time just in case I encounter some rough spots.

There’s a few things I can do to try to prepare for the heightened activity and stress:

  • Double-up on the quiet time. Rather than slacking off, it’s going to be all the more important for me to make sure I am starting off the day with some quiet sitting, and to carve out some time in the day to do the same.
  • Remember to stop. My calendar will probably start to fill up over the coming weeks. It’s going to be important for me to make sure I build those short moments of pause into the day–even if it’s only fifteen minutes of looking out my window.
  • Allow for missteps–my own and others. I’m guessing that I’m not the only one in the family who will be dealing with some stress and perhaps even anxiety over the move. And much as I am liable to act out on that stress in some way, so might others. I need to not take anything too personally–and when I’m the guilty party, be quick to acknowledge what’s really going on.

And there are other precautions I can take, I am sure, to make this period as positive an experience as possible for the whole family.

Maintaining serenity while in the middle of a serene environment is not really that much of an accomplishment. But to remain caring, calm, and attentive in the midst of chaos–now that is something else!

 

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Day 162: Play

I have been away from home for almost a week now–and I think I’m just about ready to get back to Atlanta. Part of the problem is that “home” is a little bit up in the air right now. Sure, I have plenty of roots up here in Massachusetts, and plenty of family, but I have not lived up here for more than two decades. Atlanta is still ostensibly my home, but increasingly more and more of that home is packed away in boxes. And of course, we can’t quite yet call North Carolina our home, not for another month. So in many ways, I really feel I am between worlds.

But I can’t get too caught up in feeling “in between” right now. If I do so, I run the risk of losing sight of where I am right now and what I’m doing right now. The truth is: these trips up to Massachusetts to see my folks are somewhat rare, and as they get older, ultimately limited in number. The same is true with visits to my sister and her family, especially while her kids and my kids are young. I would hate to miss out on this experience right here, right now because I am being pulled in too many other directions.

So tonight, my mother brought lobsters home to my sister’s house. They were on sale, and fresh, and wonderfully delicious. After dinner, my nephews wanted to play a game called “Guggenheim.” I asked them if it had something to do with the art museum: Nope. Nor did the game have anything to do with the Foundation or the businessman/philanthropist. My sister explained:

“Actually, we can’t remember what the game is really called. We’ve been calling it Guggenheim for years.”

Sure, why not.

The game rules were simple enough and fluid enough to make it a silly and fun game. It didn’t take us too long to be laughing pretty loudly, even if we weren’t necessarily playing the game (whatever its name) exactly the right way.

So what does all of this have to do with living simply?

I’m not entirely sure–perhaps it’s about being in the flow or coasting within the moment. But a little play is a great way to force me into the present.

And I don’t just mean “play” as in “playing a game.” Play can also mean give-and-take: a little wiggle in the system….

Which got me thinking: if I am “between worlds,” maybe what I really need is just a little wiggle room.

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Day 161: Commemorate

IMG_2496Today an old friend of mine stopped by to visit. He used to live in Atlanta and moved up to Massachusetts about two years ago. It’s been a few years since we’ve seen each other, and I was glad to have the opportunity to visit with him today.

It has been just over three months ago that he stopped his chemotherapy. His doctors gave him three to six months to live.

No, he has not miraculously recovered. His cancer is still active, and he is still dying. But more importantly, he is still living.

My friend has always had an ability to embrace the life he is living, no matter what that life has to offer him. Now, facing his own mortality, he is taking the time to say his goodbyes, to let go of what he needs to let go of, and to enjoy the days that he has. I was honored to have the opportunity to spend a day with him, knowing quite well how precious each day is for him–and for all of us, really.

IMG_2494We took a walk around Walden Pond. It seemed like a good place to spend a couple of hours. We stopped at the site of Thoreau’s cabin, and marveled at the size of the cairn–the pile of rocks left by hundreds of pilgrims and tourists. We talked and reminisced. We planned for the possibility of him passing through North Carolina later this summer. We commemorated our friendship.

And we said goodbye.

It’s easy to honor family and friends after they have left us. It’s harder to remember to honor their lives while they are still with us.

Hardest of all, though, is to honor the life we are living, while we are living it–no matter what that life brings.

 

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Day 160: Stroll

Today my sister came over to my parents’ house to visit. She had her large and rambunctious puppy with her. With everything else going on in the house, we thought it would be a good idea to take a walk with the dog. We ended up taking a stroll all the way downtown and back–about a two mile walk. I think I probably needed the exercise as much as the dog.

It was a nice walk–and a nice talk. I think I’m pretty close to my sister, but living 1,100 miles apart, we don’t have a lot of “everyday time” together. I appreciated the opportunity just to take a walk and chat about nothing in particular.

So on one hand, it was a special moment–just the two of us, and a big, lumbering dog, catching up after maybe six months of not seeing each other. But at the same time, it was incredibly ordinary–just a two mile walk with a dog.

It struck me that really, so much of what I’ve written about really does ride this same line between the ordinary and extraordinary. And really all that separates the ordinary from the extraordinary is our willingness to pay attention to the moment at hand.

 

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Day 159: Trim

I’ve been thinking about “the wind” today….

There’s a passage in Emerson’s “Self-Reliance” where he draws upon a metaphor from sailing:

The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks. See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency. Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing.

What I like about this passage is this image of a wind that guides our course, even if our ship may appear to be pointing in the “wrong” direction at any given moment. The truth is, Emerson contends, the only measure of whether or not we are “on course” is our ability to ride on that wind.

So I’ve been reflecting on this image today, and thinking about how each of us goes about discerning the wind’s direction. Call it spirit, call it a leading–call it what you will: but ultimately, it is that which is calling you.

It’s easy to feel the strong gusts. More often than not, however, I feel more like I’m licking a finger and waving it in the air, trying to catch the slightest breeze….

Fortunately, we don’t have to wait for the trade winds to find our heading. I’ve had very little experience on a sailboat of any size, but I do know this: what may seem like just a hint of a wind can lead a ship forward, as long as it fills the sails. And sometimes all it takes is a minor adjustment to catch that wind.

All of these nautical and meteorological reflections brought me to a point of query, which has remained with me throughout the day:

What am I doing–right now–to trim my sails?

 

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Day 158: Coast

Today was really a pretty easy-going day. I’m staying with my parents for the next few days and really have no plans or commitments until my conference starts later in the week. I hung out with my father for a little while. I played a board game. I went with my parents to their church. That was pretty much my entire day.

I did manage to find a little pile of stuff to purge, though–a stash of old photographs of mine tucked away in a chest of drawers in my old room. I took some time looking through most of them, and tossed anything that didn’t really have any meaning for me–which was probably more than 90%. Other than some family photos and pictures of former pets, just about everything else I tossed.

But that was about it. And I’m fine with that. So rather than trying to force out a topic for today’s entry, I think I’m just going to let today be what it was–a “coast.”

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Day 157: Laugh

Today I started on a one week trip up to Massachusetts to attend a conference and visit with my parents. Last year, I took my youngest child with me on this same trip. This year, I am traveling with my middle child.

I really enjoy spending time with my son Josh, though I know that I have ended up spending less time with him, especially one-on-one, than with his older brother, whose sport has sent us on many a weekend trip to far-flung locations. That means I sometimes have to make a more conscious effort to create opportunities for us to spend some time together. Last summer, Josh and I went on a weekend fishing trip together to Savannah, and we both had a blast. And so far, Day One of our week-long New England adventure has been equally fun.

One of the things I appreciate most about Josh is his sense of humor–and more generally, the fullness of his enjoyment in just about everything he does. I laugh a lot with Josh. He loves telling stories, and he loves to make people smile. Joy comes naturally to him–and he loves to share it.

Today was an easy “experiment in living simply.” I laughed with my son.

And what a joy it was to hear him laugh.

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Day 156: Take

IMG_2463Someone posted this flyer at our gym. No explanations, no ulterior motives–just a flyer instructing you (me!) to “take what you need.” Not only did the flyer make me smile, but it also made me think.

First–it made me realize how often the word “take” has a negative connotation to it. Here, though, it really is the mirror image of “accept.” I’ve written before about the difficulty I have in accepting gifts. The idea that I could take what I needed–that I could just reach out and pluck off the peace, or healing, or strength that I lack–was a refreshing concept.

Second–it made me realize that, much as I have a hard time accepting gifts, I seem to have an equally hard time admitting when I am in need. No, not just admitting; I have a hard time even recognizing when I am in need, or what needs I have.

So: what tab did I pull off the sign today?

Not a one–because I didn’t think the sign was meant for me.

Silly, right? Because less than an hour ago I got into an argument with my wife over, well, it doesn’t really matter what, because the argument was really about my impatience and frustration over a simple miscommunication–a frustration and impatience as much with myself as with my wife.

All I needed was a little more patience right at the moment when there seemed to be none at hand.

And that’s why I think I could use a few more signs like the one I saw in the gym today… because sometimes I need to be reminded that whatever I need really is right there for me–if only I can remember to reach out (or in) and take hold.

 

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