Day 75: De-escalate

IMG_2116OK, bad pun, I know.

The stairs down to the basement are completely and utterly cluttered with junk. Yes, it’s where the recycling goes, and yes, those quick to reach tools live on these shelves as well– but this space is also home to the untouched and unused–the forgotten and obsolete. In other words: it’s all a bunch of crap.

And it’s been that way for years.

So today, I decided to clear out as much of the stuff as I could. Amongst the hidden “treasures” I found: several bird feeders, a couple still in their boxes; dried-up air-dry clay; replacement wings for a robotic dragonfly that was discarded at least five years ago; lots of bungee cords; the smallest “Aspen Collar” ever made; several Christmas gift kitchen gadgets (yes, some still in their boxes); and so on.

I admit that some of the de-clutter was a bit of a shuffle–the pots of paint and glue and tools and fasteners, etc, made their way to the back corner of the basement, which is, well, IMG_2121in its own native state of disorder….

But I did pack up two bags of charity give away, plus another full bag of trash (not to mention what made it into recycling.)

The finished result was pretty startling–we went from shelves with junk stashed everywhere to having lots of free storage space! I will probably end up moving some of the low rotation kitchen accessories onto these shelves (the slow cooker, the ice cream maker, etc.) but for now, I think I will simply enjoy the bare shelves for the next few days!

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Day 74: Recommit

IMG_2114I’m not sure exactly when things started to slip–maybe with daylight savings time, but probably even a bit before that. This past week, though, has definitely been a struggle to keep to a discipline of simplicity and a commitment to nurturing quietude. I knew things were going downhill when for most of last week, I found myself hitting that snooze button again instead of giving myself time to sit and reflect first thing in the morning.

So for today, my focus was on recommitting to a daily practice. As I wrote in a comment earlier today, the challenge is to return to practice without shame or guilt–in other words, to let go of whatever attachments I have to my “failure” to maintain a practice.

To simply return. So that was my goal today, and I used the last 73 days as my guide.

This morning, I started my day with quiet sitting. After a bit of work in the hotel room, I walked across campus to the conference site, taking time to stop and witness the beauty around me. As I listened to other speakers and shared in conversation, I tried to engage with them as fully as possible.

At the end of the day, I made sure to thank each of the organizers and express my appreciation for the invitation to participate.

On the drive back, my mind kept wandering onto “the next thing” on my plate–but when I noticed this, I reminded myself that at any moment, I could shift my intentions back to the moment.

Toward the end of a long drive, after listening to NPR, and Pandora, and songs in my library, I shut off everything and tried to settle into silence once again.

Don’t get me wrong–sure, I did all of those things listed above, but in between there was all sorts of being-human going on–wandering thoughts, fantasies and fears, distractions and over-attachments, and so on.

But the important thing about today–the thing that I could reaffirm throughout the day–was the sense of happiness I had, feeling that I was recommitting to daily practice.

I plan to relax for the rest of the evening and enjoy being back home with my family. Soon I will be off to bed. Tomorrow will come, and with morning, another opportunity for a discipline of small steps.

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Day 73: Attend

I was on the road today, another five hour drive, but this time down to Florida to give a presentation. At 11am, my phone’s calendar alarm went off with an event reminder. I glanced at my phone to read the following:

Are you sure of your perceptions?

Once a month, on the 14th, at 11am, I receive this reminder. It almost always surprises me, and that’s the point–to be taken off guard by this question, and to remind myself of how often the world I am living in is based off of incomplete (and often false) perceptions.

Not a bad reminder for today. I have been running on fumes for a few days now, all leading up to this big presentation. And as is not too unusual, I had worked myself up into quite a state over it. It was great to get a little nudge, somewhere around the halfway mark on my drive down to Florida, that there was a good chance that no matter how I imagined today’s lecture would go, most likely my imagined fears and/or fantasies would be nothing like what would actually take place.

So I used this reminder to help me focus on attending to the moment in front of me, not whatever I’m cooking up in my head.

And the talk went fine. In fact, I think it went well.

But more important than how well the talk went, I made an effort to pay as much attention as I could to what I was doing, while I was doing it. I started to see the whole event in a very different light. I was an invited speaker–sure, they were interested in what I had to say… but more importantly, my talk today (and the talks given by the other two keynotes) provided this group with an opportunity to gather and exchange ideas. That was the really important part of today…not whatever words I managed to pull together.

Yes, yes, I know how selfish that makes me sound–that it is still a revelation, at my age, that I may not be playing as important a role in the world as I am playing in my head….

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Day 72: Skip

Oh my goodness–look at the time!

Yes, I ended up running up until the 11th hour (ok, well past the 11th hour) on a project, and now it is very, very late.

So I knew the day would come at some point when the best thing I could do to simplify my life would be to allow myself to skip a day….

Looks like today is that day!

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Day 71: Relax

Sure, I know it seems like a cop-out to say that my “challenge” for today was to relax–and a part of me feels that any time I focus on rest and recovery I am somehow cheating….

But the fact that it is so challenging for me to slow down sometimes should let me know just how important it is for me to do just that.

So: I could spend the next hour or so squeezing a little more work into the day, but I’m not going to.

And I’m sure I could find something around the house to clear out or de-clutter, but I’m going to pass on that as well.

And I could probably re-edit this post a half dozen more times to make it “just right”–maybe find some inspirational quote, or some revealing anecdote from the day to really make my point.

But not tonight.

So I better hit “Publish” now before I go back on my word!

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Day 70: Encourage

I’m sure it would sound a lot less selfish if I were talking about encouraging others, but today my focus is really all about me.

I’m reminded of the “cour” in encourage; it’s a reference to the heart. To be encouraged is to “take heart.” When I become discouraged, I’ve lost heart.

I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that the last couple of days have seemed like one struggle after another–or more accurately, perhaps: one, prolonged struggle.

So often we are reminded to be gentle with others, and to offer them encouragement. I think it’s equally fitting to be gentle with ourselves at times, and to find the means to draw up our own encouragement when we need it the most. It’s exactly at those moments when I feel most disheartened that I need to take the time and the space to once again find (or make) my center.

Not that I can do that alone, that’s for sure. I’m happy to have people around me who genuinely care about me. And for that I’m grateful. At the same time, though, it’s important for me to remember to look toward that inward source as well–especially during those moments when I seem to have lost heart.

Gah, this post is getting a bit too maudlin–not where I was trying to go with all of this.

Simply said: “today” was hard, yes–but I need not lose heart in the moment.

One quick quote and that’s it for this entry:

We should impart our courage, and not our despair, our health and ease, and not our disease, and take care that this does not spread by contagion.                                             –Thoreau

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Day 69: Store

IMG_2105Ooooohhhh! Scary basement!

Yup, those are Halloween decorations piled up everywhere, and yes they have been there since the first week in November.

I asked the kids to take down the decorations, and they did….but after that, everything just kind of got piled up down the basement and forgotten about.

I’ve been trying to keep my “simplify” as simple as possible on Mondays, so all I really focused on today was this one pile of junk. There’s plenty more basement to tend to, that’s for sure…but not tonight.

Some stuff made it to the donation pile, and some of it made it to the trash. The rest I managed to store under the table for the next eight months.

And yes, I found Easter decorations buried underneath the Halloween decorations!

IMG_2109

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Day 68: Pare

But, but, but… I needed that hour!

I’m never a fan of “springing forward.” Now, “falling back”–that’s a treat. I know it’s all a bit of a mental trick, moving the clock forward or backward an hour, but today does feel like I lost an hour that I really could have used….

The problem is: I have just a few days left to complete this major writing project, and I’m feeling pressed for time. Lots of goings on at work and at home means I don’t feel I have the time I need to do everything I need to do.

Of course, that’s another bit of a mental trick, isn’t it... After all, am I really getting wound up over what I need to do, or what I’m afraid I won’t be able to do?

So when that feeling of being overwhelmed returned this morning, I realized that what I really needed to do was: pare down this project–in my mind first, and then ultimately on paper. Say what I needed to say, simply and directly. That’s all.

And I know that the writing part isn’t really the challenge–it’s keeping this project from ballooning in my mind into something much bigger than it really is. I have just enough time–to keep it simple (and just enough time to reread what I wrote on Day 44).

OK–so that’s all the time I’m going to put in on this post today. Yup, paring down this little bit of writing too….

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Day 67: Haul

IMG_2101So I’ve been trying to balance these daily experiments between what I suppose you could call “inside” and “outside” jobs. I’ve been inward turning for the past couple of days, so today seemed like a good day to focus on an outward task.

If I ever needed any proof of our family’s over-consumption, all I would have to do is go down into the basement and count the shipping boxes. We do have pretty good curbside recycling in our town, but I’ve never been entirely certain if they recycle cardboard. Rather than calling City Hall to find out, my solution has been to drag the cardboard down to our unfinished basement, where we have a small, dank storage room with no good purpose to it, and pile up all the boxes in there.

Here’s the theory: we have a full-blown recycling center just down the road, and I know for a fact that they accept cardboard. All I have to do is store the boxes for a few weeks, then take a monthly trip down the road and drop off all of the cardboard that’s accumulated.

But I don’t.

Instead, I’ve let years go by because, well, that room down the basement has a door, and I never really have to see all that piled up cardboard, except for those brief moments when I open the door and toss in a new addition to the stockpile.

So today, my plan wasn’t to declutter the whole basement–that would take some time. I just needed to clear out the cardboard and get it to the recycling center–and commit to keeping that dank, useless storage room empty, dank and useless.

I managed to haul out just about all of the cardboard; I literally filled the van with flattened and crushed boxes from the very back all the way to the front passenger’s seat. I would have completed the job, but I had no more room in the van, short of strapping boxes to the roof.

I also managed to fill two large trash cans with all the accessories that come in those mail-order boxes–catalogs, tissue, bubble wrap, etc., plus a third can with assorted junk that I cleared out of the garage just so I could get the boxes out the door and into the van.

Today’s de-clutter had a different feel to it. I wasn’t clearing out a space for living, as I’ve done elsewhere in the house. Instead, I was purging–clearing out refuse from a space no one ever sees, but a space that I am always vaguely aware of as a burden of waste and trash. And there’s a certain lightness that comes with clearing out all of that trash. Now when I go downstairs to put in a load of laundry, I don’t have to think about what’s piled up behind that door, and when I’m going to get rid of it.

My next challenge will be the Styrofoam. I have over two dozen polystyrene foam mailing boxes–each one is around a cubic foot in size. Short of making an igloo in the back yard, I have no use for them. The place where I brought our cardboard won’t recycle them, but I suppose with a little research I could find some place that accepted polystyrene….

But I suppose the biggest challenge of all would be to find a way to have fewer of those mailing boxes arriving at my house in the first place!

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Day 66: Witness

IMG_2092Since when did my parking lot become such a beautiful place ?

Maybe it was the contrast of having just gone through two days straight of gray skies and cold rain, but on the walk back to my car this afternoon, I was startled by the vibrant blue of the sky and the stark white of the clouds, framed in the foreground by the deep green of the pine trees. The play of the light and color stretched out in front of me literally brought me to a standstill, right there in the middle of a parking lot that I walk to and from five days a week.

I’ve had that experience before, of course–a kind of shift in perspective, when the ordinary is suddenly startling. I’m not sure words can really capture that subtle change in texture the occurs in the experience of the day, when I am actually seeing the beauty that is often right there in front of me, unnoticed.

IMG_2094On the drive home, I tried to be attentive to what I was seeing, but of course, my mind wandered onto countless other things….

And then, right in front of my home, I looked over the top of my roof and there it was again–light and shadow, a swirl of blue across a darkening sky, the play of beauty.

I am not sure it’s possible to sustain these moments, and perhaps that’s not the point. As long as I can be witness to them when they arrive, that is good enough for me.

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