Day 95: Honor

Posted on April 5, 2014 by joshdaddy

Today, my wife and I celebrated 17 years of marriage. It was one of those rare years when we managed to go out to dinner on the actual night of our anniversary.

I know we are not unique in having a hard time making the time to go out as a couple. Our weeks are full, and the weekends are not much better. But the truth is–we need to take these moments to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company as a couple. In much the same way that I benefit from a daily practice of making time for quiet sitting, our relationship benefits from intentionally dedicated time together.

As we were driving home from dinner, it struck me just how important it was to use these nights together to honor the relationship we have. Sure, it is fun to go out on a date night, and having fun together is important. But setting aside time together–for dinner, or a movie, or a walk around the park– is also a way of reminding us to respect that relationship–to treat it with care and to acknowledge its strength and value in a deliberate way. And of course, in honoring the relationship, I am honoring my wife–as well as myself.

“Mindful date night” sounds a bit too earnest, perhaps–but you get the picture!

 

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Day 94: Affirm

Posted on April 4, 2014 by joshdaddy

Today, I said “Yes.”

I’m not sure if it matters whether or not you know what I’ve said yes to–but if you have been reading along for a while, you know that I’ve been on the verge of a decision that could have a big impact in our daily lives. So today, I said “yes” to that opportunity–and what a wonderful word it is!

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that a Friend had recommended reading Nancy Bieber’s Decision Making and Spiritual Discernment: The Sacred Art of Finding Your Way. Here’s what she has to say about “saying yes”:

There is something mysterious about saying “yes.” It sets things in motion. Whether it is to a marriage proposal, a job offer, or an invitation to get together with friends, something shifts when we say “yes.” Something is beginning. In the first minute or two, nothing actually looks different. We haven’t entered the marriage, started the job, gone to the party. We have, however, opened to a specific yet unknown future. Whether that seems more like a risk or a great delight, the fact that we’ve said “yes” to it changes things.

So that is where I’m at today–saying yes, and welcoming the opening that it offers.

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Day 93: Dispose

Posted on April 3, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2258I’ve already written about my “archival impulse,” and how it has led me to hold on to so many things… just in case. Well, I recently came across a principle to set me straight–something right out of The Society of American Archivists, in fact: the concept of enduring value.

My problem is that I hold onto stuff on the thought that it might eventually have value. If I were to use a standard of enduring value–it has value now, and I can see its value in the future as well–then maybe I’d have a more sensible reason for holding onto some things and disposing of the rest.

I thought I would test out this standard at the office first, where I have less clutter in general, but certainly less emotional investment. And that’s when I noticed my stacks of professional journals.

I can say in all certainty that the vast majority of these journals haven’t been cracked in years. Because let’s face it–if I’m looking for an academic article, I am far more likely to find it in electronic format these days, available through my own library or through some other network, rather than in some mouldering, bound journal sitting on my shelf.

And some of these journals have been a-mouldering on more than one set of shelves, moved from one office to the next, only to be dutifully stacked on a new set of shelves to remain unopened and unread.

The only value I can think of in these stacked journals is the same value some get in hanging diplomas on the wall (which I don’t): as a visible display of professional identity. And I think by this point in my career I can do without the daily reminder of who I am in my own office….

I am fairly certain that there is no present value in these volumes, not to me at least, and certainly no enduring value either. So off they went, in several tall stacks, lined up next to the recycling containers.

Interestingly enough, quite a few had disappeared by the end of the day. Let’s hope they have found happy homes, sitting on some other shelves for the next dozen or so years!

 

 

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Day 92: Connect

Posted on April 2, 2014 by joshdaddy

Today has felt pretty ungrounded. It’s probably not a coincidence that today is also a day in which I chose to steal a little extra sleep in the morning instead of making time for some quiet sitting. And no time for detours on the way to work either, and no attempts to stop during the day for a moment’s pause. But lots of activity, that’s for sure–lots of catching up at work, papers graded, admin duties tended to, etc. etc. Busy, busy….

Then after work, it was off to pick up my oldest, who had a late appointment at his school. Then off to the gym and dinner afterwards, like every Wednesday night, and then finally back home.

I came in the door feeling a little bit like I had been so busy that I had missed out on my day. Of course, the truth is: at any moment I could have found the time to reclaim the day for myself. All it would really take is the intention to do so.

So at about 10 o’clock tonight, that’s what I decided to do.

And it was simple. All it took was a few minutes with each person in the family, one on one. Just a few words, and some focused attention to make a connection.

My middle child wanted to share with me a video he found online that he thought I would like. My youngest asked me to check some of her math homework. My wife told me about a conversation she had with one of her good friends. And my oldest? I had to hunt him down. He was already off in his room, connecting in a different way–with his phone, and with his friends. We had just spent the last half hour together at dinner, but not in a very intentional way. So I made sure we shared a few words as well, talking about our upcoming trip to the mountains.

I even made an intentional connection with our dog, spending a few minutes rubbing his ears and head. And if I can rouse the cat, I will spend some time with her as well.

I came home feeling tired, and a bit at a loss as to what I had really accomplished today. In the past hour or so, I would say I’ve made this day count for something.

 

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Day 91: File

Posted on April 1, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK–today’s post may win the award for the least “enlightened” entry to date. I’ve been wrestling for the last half hour with some clever way to work Thoreau into this blog post as an ironic point of contrast–but it all feels pretty forced. The truth is, all that I have to offer today is this:

I just finished doing my taxes.

I know, I know: How mindful! What deliberate simplicity! Right, right….

But here’s the thing: next week, we are planning a short trip up to the mountains, and the week after that I am traveling to Chicago on business. Now, I could put off this little chore for a few more days–maybe try to squeeze it in on Sunday the 13th, but the simplest way for me to simplify my life over the next two weeks is: just get that puppy turned in.

It’s silly for me to put off filing my returns, since I usually have a refund waiting for me, but typically every year I am doing my taxes on or near the filing deadline. So why do I put off this little chore? Good question.

The truth is: with tax preparation software, doing my taxes seems more like some sort of weird video game than an act of civic responsibility. Now if only I could beat my high score!

If pushed to find some principle of simplicity at work here, I suppose it would be that I am trying to pace myself–an ongoing challenge, to say the least. Rather than letting deadlines pile up, and then sprinting toward the finish line, I am trying to take things as they come and check them off the list. I still have some big tasks ahead of me over the next few months–good stuff, but with a lot of potential to create stress. Finding little ways to keep the pressure down–like filing my taxes before the the absolute deadline–is sometimes just what I need to help keep going on an even keel.

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Day 90: Report

Posted on March 31, 2014 by joshdaddy

OK, so if I were a business of some sort, it would be time for my quarterly report.

It’s hard to believe that three months have gone by. At the same time though, (and isn’t this always the case) when I look back over the days as moments and experiences–instead of as just rows of boxes on a calendar–the first day of January seems like a very long time ago indeed.

So today I think a little accounting is in order: three months in, what are my assets, and what have I profited? And what are my debts and deficits?

First, it is probably worth acknowledging that I do feel that I have been on a journey of sorts. Some things are very much the same, of course, but in many other, little ways, I can feel a shift in how I look at my daily actions and the spaces in which they take place. And I also feel like I have been on a journey with others too–those of you who have followed this blog, or commented on it–as well as friends who may not comment in print, but who do so regularly in our day-to-day conversations. I wouldn’t say I’m excessively private, but it has been interesting to open up in this way to so many of you.

I can also say that I think very differently about the house we are living in. To be honest, over the ten years we have lived here, I’ve done far more complaining about things than I have done to create a space of comfort and calm for myself and my family. Now (ironically, since we will most likely be moving out of it soon) it feels more like a home than ever before.

I feel like I also cherish quiet more than before and actively seek out moments to quiet my thoughts, my body, and my environment. Along the way, I’ve also managed to cobble together some sort of discipline or practice to tie one day’s intentions to the next. And that has included trying to connect with others (back to community, I guess) who are like-minded in their desire for simplicity and mindfulness.

And perhaps most importantly: I have come to recognize a wax and wane in all of this as well. By no means has this been perfect progress (whatever that would be). I can still go off-beam, as I have done at times over the past thirteen weeks, but I also manage to get myself back on track as long as I can continue to recommit to living more simply and deliberately. And all of this can happen in the course of a few days–or even within the same day.

Bottom line: it has been a worthwhile experiment so far and an interesting journey, and I am curious to see where it will lead me next.

OK, I’m feeling a little self-indulgent with tonight’s posting (another theme in  this blog, I guess), so I better bring this entry to a close.

Now on to the second quarter….

 

 

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Day 89: Climb

Posted on March 31, 2014 by joshdaddy

Matthew Sending Twist and ShoutToday feels a bit like a “cheat” again–I mean: how can I say “climb” is an “experiment in living simply” when I spend at least two nights a week at the gym climbing–and if given the opportunity, would spend most weekends doing the same thing outdoors?

I suppose it’s because of how we climbed today. We met up with some friends, hiked in, found a few lines to climb, and then settled in for the day in one spot. No projects. No lining up for a turn on a  “classic” route. No last gasp push to get a final climb in before dark. It was just a mellow day at the crag.

I also didn’t sweat it that my two youngest kids decided they would rather just play around in nature instead of putting up any climbs. That was perfectly fine with me today, and I think everyone had a better day because of it.

I even had fun on my fail for the day. After multiple attempts to get past the third bolt on Twist and Shout, I had to bail and let my son take the lead.

I’m not entirely sure why climbing is so satisfying for me, but it is–especially outdoors. Sure, there’s some adrenaline addiction to it, no doubt. And then there’s also the father-son thing as well, since I’ve done almost all of my outdoor climbing in the company of my oldest child. But I think it’s also the fact that climbing forces me to be present and to be in my body–in the moment–in ways that few other activities can do.

On the drive out, I put on some music–starting with a song that has become a bit of a signature piece in our family at the start or the finish of a day of climbing: Pink Floyd’s “Fearless”:

You say you’d like to see me try
Climbing
You pick the place and I’ll choose the time
And I’ll climb
The hill in my own way
just wait a while for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down, hear the sounds of the things you said today.

There are so many reasons why today could have been frustrating. I could have been struggling against my kids. I could have been rushing from route to route. I could have shut down after having a decent lead fall or failing to send a route that–in my head at least–I should have been able to send. Instead, the day just felt right, no matter what happened, and I truly appreciated it.

And sure, it always feels pretty good to be “above the treeline and the clouds”–if only for a few moments–before being lowered to the earth again.

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Day 88: Recoup

Posted on March 29, 2014 by joshdaddy

Today’s posting sounds suspiciously similar to yesterday‘s entry. I had another day eaten up by a seven hour event–this one was a sporting competition in which two of my three children were competing. I was up at 5:30am, cooking breakfast, and then packing kids in the car for a two hour drive. After seven hours in a gym, we were off to dinner, then to a hotel. Tomorrow–we are off to the crag for a day of climbing.

Much of what I did today involved helping other kids in the competition. I enjoy volunteering at these events–if for no other reason then it makes the time pass more quickly. But much like sitting in a meeting for seven hours–it does get to be draining. And I think the reason is probably the same–because what’s really draining out of me is time itself.

So tonight, sitting in the hotel room, I am recouping. As in, getting back what I lost. Not that I regret giving my time–but for the next few hours, my goal is to give my time to a much smaller circle of kids, namely my own. It’s important for me to remember that my time really is my most endangered resource and to treat it with care and respect.

Right now, as I write this, they are watching a movie and playing a game on a tablet. In a little bit, we will make up some hot chocolate down in the lobby, maybe play some cards, and just relax.

I’m not sure if my kids will remember this evening, but it is my goal to mark it as special, and memorable. It’s hard to keep in mind that this moment–no matter what is happening–will pass, and never return.

What would it mean to try to live these moments, and appreciate these moments, in their fleeting beauty?

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Day 87: Pause

Posted on March 28, 2014 by joshdaddy

Nobody should have to spend seven hours in meetings….

But that was my day.

It was draining, to say the least… even though we got good work done, and even though we managed to make some progress on some intractable issues. There’s nothing quite as tiring as sitting in a room (or two different rooms, as the case may be) under florescent lights for so many hours in one day.

On the drive home I had errands to run. Then once I got home, more errands in the house, with more beckoning….

Tomorrow I will be up early–earlier than a workweek, to kick off a weekend involving lots of activity–fun stuff, but it’s definitely not going to be a restful two days.

So I have between now and tomorrow morning to take a short pause–to breathe, slow down, and try to recuperate.

Normally, I would be trying to squeeze something in between now and midnight; but for tonight, I’m choosing to put everything on hold. If only for the next three hours.

Wish me luck!

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Day 86: Enter

Posted on March 27, 2014 by joshdaddy

IMG_2162So what’s the first thing you want to see when you enter your house?

Certainly not this!

We have an entryway into our house–not quite a mudroom, and not what I would call a foyer either. Actually, it was once the front stoop of the house in an earlier incarnation, but some previous owner glassed it in with paned windows on three sides. It’s a nice, bright entryway into the house, without question, but it is also a clutter-trap for all sorts of things. The kids’ bikes end up in here, along with assorted toys, winter boots, planter pots, backpacks… OK, you get the idea.

So today, I decided to clear out this space as much as possible. I sent toys and bikes back into the basement from whence they came. Random pots and boxes: I discarded or dealt with. And of course, I gave the room a good sweeping, which it hadn’t seen in a long time (yes, plenty of Christmas tree needles lingering in the corners).

IMG_2166It’s a little space, and a little change–but it is the first space in my house that I encounter when I come home. There’s something unsettling about having to tiptoe around piles of stuff before I’ve even stepped foot inside my house proper.

And it’s even more unsettling to realize that most of the time I barely even notice the chaos–though I am sure I still feel it.

So now we have a clean entryway–though I know as with other challenges in the house, it will take some discipline and attentiveness to hold back the entropy. And that’s really the cue here, I think: to remember to see and attend to the spaces of my everyday life–even the ones that I am just passing through.

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